Healing as a Parent from Childhood Trauma

What dragons do you need to slay?

Author Melanie Shankle says we all have one because life is a journey through difficult situations that teach us to trust God and by His grace grow through adversity. Sometimes dragons rise up out of an unhealthy, toxic childhood.

That was certainly the case for me. My parents divorced when I was five. My dad was in and out of my life for years afterward until he died from alcohol, broken and alone. Hank, my stepdad, walked out on my siblings and me when I was nine, on the day of my mother’s funeral. Even my foster dad, Mr. Reil, brought chaos into my life instead of peace and comfort.

If your childhood was troubling, too, Melanie understands our pain. Like you and me, she grew up in a household shaped by abuse, manipulation, and alcoholism. Throughout her childhood, her mother moved from one failed relationship to another, remarrying for the last time when Melanie was a junior in college. Her mother would often say to her, “If people really knew you, Melanie…” and then conclude with some kind of derogatory comment.

Toxicity became so normalized that Melanie didn’t realize how dysfunctional her upbringing was until the day she gave birth to her daughter, Caroline. Melanie says, “It was then I finally recognized that my mom didn’t love me like I loved my daughter. Something inside her wasn’t healthy enough to love anyone without constantly sabotaging the relationship.”

Melanie Shankle and I are having a heartfelt conversation about childhood trauma on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly about her book Here Be Dragons: Treading the Deep Waters of Motherhood, which tells her story of healing by breaking free from generational cycles within her family.

Healing from a toxic past and setting a new path for your marriage and family can be difficult, but as 1 Peter 1:18 says, “We are ransomed from the futile ways of our forefathers.” We have freedom in Christ and it’s never too late to heal.

Hear my full conversation with Melanie on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts, or take us with you on our free phone app.

If you’re struggling with dragons from your past, we have caring Christian counselors who will listen, pray with you, and get you on a path toward healing and hope. They’ll also direct you to additional resources in your area if necessary. Call us, leave your name and number, and we’ll get back with you as soon as possible. The number during business hours is 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

Before I close, I’d like to extend an invitation for you to become a special partner with us through our monthly “Friends of Focus on the Family” program. When you do, you’ll receive member-exclusive benefits, and I’ll send you a copy of Melanie Shankle’s book Here Be Dragons: Treading the Deep Waters of Motherhood, Mean Girls, and Generational Trauma. It’s our way of saying thank you for touching others with the love of Christ. To make your pledge, or for more information, click here or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

Melanie Shankle is an author, mother, creator of The Big Mama Blog, and co-host of The Big Boo Cast.