Love is a Decision

There is only one reason respected author and marriage expert Dr. Gary Chapman vacuums his house: Love. No, he doesn’t love vacuuming; he loves his wife, Karolyn. Her love language is acts of service, so Dr. Chapman spends a lot of time doing things that he hates but that make her happy – like vacuuming the floor.

Dr. Chapman says he shares that story with his audiences, not so they’ll applaud him for being such a great guy, but so they’ll learn an important lesson about love. It’s a choice. That is to say, love isn’t merely a feeling that sweeps over us in waves of emotion. It’s a decision that we make. Love is about doing the right things for the right reasons regardless of how we feel and despite the cost to us.

Choice over emotion is an important distinction because, while none of us feels in love all the time, all of us can choose to love. We can choose to forgive instead of harbor resentment. We can choose to seek marriage counseling and work through conflict. We can choose to say no to what we want, so we can say yes to what others want.

Good feelings in a marriage are worth pursuing – the deeper the better, I say – but good feelings aren’t enough to sustain a relationship. They come and go, often at the mercy of our circumstances. True love is about action, and action is about choice.

Love, ultimately, is a decision.