Daly Focus Blog
Author Tricia Goyer says she never thought she had an anger problem … until she had to deal with children who had anger problems. She and her husband had three kids of their own and adopted seven others.
Their adopted children had emotions that Tricia didn’t know how to handle. They struggled with pain from their past. They were angry from being away from their biological families. Some of them had faced difficulties in foster care.
Has one of your children ever thrown a world-class fit in a store?
My son Trent did that once when he was little. He wanted a candy bar while he was with his mom in the checkout aisle. I was out of town, so Jean was alone with him. Trent had a meltdown because he couldn’t have the chocolate he was after.
Jean was a new mom and was embarrassed that she couldn’t get Trent under control.
Teaching character to children and motivating them to embrace change can be a challenge. So where do you begin?
Dr. Kathy Koch says you do it by strengthening your relationship with your child. You can help your child feel known and understood and intentionally impart character qualities like resilience, humility, self-respect, respect for others, and self-control.
It comes through relationship. You first model those qualities, then you guide your children as they learn to interact with life the same way.
Let me ask you this: Which part of your marriage relationship do you believe will develop the deepest intimacy?
Here are your choices:
Sexuality
Emotions
Spiritual connection
They each have their place, of course, but all things considered, spiritual connection with your spouse will create a deeper, more meaningful connection than the other two areas.
Here’s why. The benefits of spiritual intimacy naturally spill over to the other two areas, but not necessarily the other way around.
Mom, you play a pivotal role in your son’s life.
It’s you who will help your son learn how to communicate verbally, to express his emotion, and to share his feelings – things he’s not as likely to learn from his dad.
You’re also the primary woman who will demonstrate how your son ought to treat other women – with love, strength, kindness, and character.
Then, along about junior high, your relationship with your son will begin to shift.
I know of a couple whose daughter disappeared from home in a fit of rebellion on her 18thbirthday. Her parents were devastated. For years, they didn’t know if she was alive or dead.
Early on, her mother made a simple decision. Every night – all night – she would turn on the porch light. It was an unspoken message to her daughter: “You’re always welcome home.”
Many nights, tears streamed down that mother’s face as she locked the front door, switched on the light, and prayed for her daughter.
Author Joe Pellegrino discovered it’s never too late to let your children know you love ‘em. When his son Joey was little, Joe taught him to play baseball. As a challenge, he told Joey, “If you hit the ball over my head, I’ll buy you the Lego pirate ship you’ve been wanting.”
As Joe remembers the story, Joey never hit the ball over his head. Joey remembers the day differently. Over the years, those differences in memory occasionally came up.
Years ago, while working as a camp counselor, author Craig Jutila floated on a canoe to the center of the lake for a few quiet hours alone. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the water was completely still.
It was after hours, and no other boats were out. So he did the only sensible thing: With an extra life jacket for his pillow, he nestled in for a short nap.
An hour later, he woke up to the voices of strangers.
Imagine your boss asking you to train someone so well that you’d no longer be needed. What would you do? That’s an important question to answer because that’s precisely your role in the life of your child.
As your children grow older, they’ll naturally and progressively seek their own identity apart from you. That path toward independence prepares them for adulthood, but it can be painful for you. It’ll feel like they no longer need you.
Do you watch Tucker Carlson’s show on FOX News?
A few weeks ago, the popular television host offered a bold and pointed commentary on how the decline of marriage and family is driving the majority of the poverty in our nation. (You can watch and read the text here.)
He didn’t so much lay this decline at the feet of declining morals, but poor economic policies perpetuated over the last few decades by the growth of Big Government.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
