Daly Focus Blog
It’s been said it’s “easier to build a boy than to mend a man.”
I agree.
A startling number of boys today are alone, left to figure out for themselves what it means to be a man. They don’t have a father in the home who will engage them.
Oh, dad may be there. But he isn’t present.
There are a lot of great dads out there, but too many men are disengaged. They don’t see manhood as a quality for them to intentionally bestow upon their son.
Do you have a daughter who’s a “crushaholic”? That term describes a young lady who is constantly seeking affirmation from boys.
I don’t have daughters myself, but I do have two boys Trent and Troy, so Jean and I are seeing the upheaval of the teen years up close. The physical, mental, and emotional changes can be intense.
Did I mention the emotional changes?
They can be especially pronounced in girls who tend to be emotional creatures by nature, more so than boys.
Author Tricia Goyer says she never thought she had an anger problem … until she had to deal with children who had anger problems. She and her husband had three kids of their own and adopted seven others.
Their adopted children had emotions that Tricia didn’t know how to handle. They struggled with pain from their past. They were angry from being away from their biological families. Some of them had faced difficulties in foster care.
Has one of your children ever thrown a world-class fit in a store?
My son Trent did that once when he was little. He wanted a candy bar while he was with his mom in the checkout aisle. I was out of town, so Jean was alone with him. Trent had a meltdown because he couldn’t have the chocolate he was after.
Jean was a new mom and was embarrassed that she couldn’t get Trent under control.
Teaching character to children and motivating them to embrace change can be a challenge. So where do you begin?
Dr. Kathy Koch says you do it by strengthening your relationship with your child. You can help your child feel known and understood and intentionally impart character qualities like resilience, humility, self-respect, respect for others, and self-control.
It comes through relationship. You first model those qualities, then you guide your children as they learn to interact with life the same way.
I saw a video that illustrates the important role fathers play in the lives of their daughters. It captured a dad in his living room watching a basketball game, jumping and yelling in support of his favorite team. Right by his side, his three-year-old daughter copied his behavior. She mimicked every jump, every hand clap, and every expression of excitement.
Then the mood changed. The dad started shouting at the television. He complained about a blown call.
Like a lot of first time moms, Jerusha Clark kept a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting on her bedside table. She referenced it frequently. Mostly she stuck to topics on eating well and her labor and delivery.
Looking back, she remembers skipping the section on postpartum depression. Why bother? She was generally a happy woman. She enjoyed her pregnancy, and she loved being a mom when her child was born.
A few months later, everything changed.
Mom, you play a pivotal role in your son’s life.
It’s you who will help your son learn how to communicate verbally, to express his emotion, and to share his feelings – things he’s not as likely to learn from his dad.
You’re also the primary woman who will demonstrate how your son ought to treat other women – with love, strength, kindness, and character.
Then, along about junior high, your relationship with your son will begin to shift.
I know of a couple whose daughter disappeared from home in a fit of rebellion on her 18thbirthday. Her parents were devastated. For years, they didn’t know if she was alive or dead.
Early on, her mother made a simple decision. Every night – all night – she would turn on the porch light. It was an unspoken message to her daughter: “You’re always welcome home.”
Many nights, tears streamed down that mother’s face as she locked the front door, switched on the light, and prayed for her daughter.
Author Joe Pellegrino discovered it’s never too late to let your children know you love ‘em. When his son Joey was little, Joe taught him to play baseball. As a challenge, he told Joey, “If you hit the ball over my head, I’ll buy you the Lego pirate ship you’ve been wanting.”
As Joe remembers the story, Joey never hit the ball over his head. Joey remembers the day differently. Over the years, those differences in memory occasionally came up.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
