Daly Focus Blog
I’ll cut right to the point.
Jean and I are grieving a
little bit this week – not over the death of a loved one or a dire medical
diagnosis – but grieving nonetheless.
Our oldest, Trent, left for a
nearby college earlier this week.
We couldn’t be happier for
him, of course, especially seeing how he’s matured and grown over these last
few years. We’ve been impressed with his choice of friends, his attitude and
his overall goals and sense of direction.
“We
practiced an active shooter drill today.”
Those
words from Lee Nienhuis’ grade-school aged son, Ryan, felt like a gut punch.
She could barely hold herself together when he told her, “We pile up in the
corner like puppies, and we hide.”
That
wasn’t the only time Lee was confronted by the darkness her children face in this
world. Another incident happened in church. The congregation was singing the
hymn I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.
As officials attempt to continue piecing together the motives
behind last weekend’s horrific cold-blooded murder sprees in both El Paso,
Texas, and Dayton, Ohio, attention has turned once again to the role violent
video games play in these types of attacks.
In remarks from the White House earlier this week, President Trump
suggested they were likely one factor in a long list of many.
“We must stop the glorification of
violence in our society,” he said.
So
here’s the scenario. It’s a weeknight, and your child has spent most of the
evening on the same school assignment. It’s pretty clear he doesn’t understand
the information. To top it off, he’s brought home a note from the teacher warning
you about a failing grade.
What
do you do?
Many parents immediately assume the worst. They
think their child has a behavior problem, difficulty learning, or is just plain
lazy. But most of the time school challenges like this aren’t a crisis.
When author and counselor Dr. David Clarke speaks to parents, he humorously asks if children are a gift from God … or instruments of slow torture.
His answer: both!
He tells parents they’re fighting three wars:
With their own children. Kids are wonderful gifts from God, but they’re fiendishly inventive at getting their own way.With their spouse. Most couples find out after their first child is born that they have different parenting styles.With the culture. Everything from the entertainment industry to social media to public policy makes parenting children increasingly difficult.
See if this scenario sounds familiar.
Your son is playing with his toys when you stop by and tell him it’s time to clean up his room. You walk away, but instead of complying immediately, your son keeps right on playing.
A few minutes later, you return and discover that your instructions have been ignored. How would you respond?
Many moms and dads respond by exploding in anger.
The question is why? There’s no reason for a child’s ignoring simple instructions like “clean up your room” or “take out the trash” to make a parent’s blood boil, and yet it often does.
The heat of summer is on, which for my family means camping.
We love getting outdoors. We love parking our fifth wheel in some remote location where the sounds of nature are not drowned out by cars and busyness.
When there’s a lake nearby, the first thing my boys do is grab rocks to throw into the water. And the bigger the better. For them, it’s all about the splash.
Me? I’m intrigued by the ripples.
Instilling virtue in your children is pretty serious business. After all, the adult world is a competitive place, and you want your kids to be prepared.
Unfortunately, that desire leads many parents to bury their children beneath some pretty harsh standards. At report card time, they question why their nearly straight-A student didn’t get that onegrade a little higher. Or maybe they snap at their teenager if he or she shows the slightest sign of irresponsibility.
That kind of response doesn’t adequately reflect most parents’ heart for their children.
Numerous studies show that masculinity is in crisis. Boys are struggling to mature into competent young men, and men and fathers in general are denigrated in the culture.
Even when the criticism is justified, the solution to those problems isn’tto denigrate masculinity. It’s to teach boys how to harness manhood and to channel it in proper ways.
That’s where you come in, mom.
For every study that shows boys are in trouble there’s another showing that boys grow into healthy, strong, and courageous young men when they have healthy and secure attachments with their mothers.
May is National Foster Care Awareness Month.
We’re honoring all those who have stepped into the world of adoption and foster care on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “The Complicated, Beautiful Life of a Foster Mom” with our guest Jessie Gallaher. She describes her difficult yet rewarding journey of adopting five children from foster care – all at once!
When they first brought the kids home, many people told Jessie and her husband, “Just love them, and time will heal all of their wounds.” But like most adoptive parents, they discovered that raising children with traumatic backgrounds also requires structure and consistency.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
