Daly Focus Blog
According to the National Center for Fathering, over 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a dad. That’s a staggering number!
I can relate to what each one of those boys and girls is going through. My dad left our family when I was five and died an alcoholic a few years later. Hank, my stepdad, walked out on my siblings and me the day of my mother’s funeral. Even my foster dad, Mr.
It’s a sad reality that many kids grow up going to Sunday school, church, and youth group and still leave home believing Christianity is a list of dos and don’ts. Somehow, the core message of the Gospel doesn’t break through.
One solution is to read the Bible with your children. Many parents want to, but it can be daunting. Kids have short attention spans, and Mom and Dad are exhausted from busy schedules.
So what do you do?
Both of my boys had colic as infants. On a good night, they might only sleep for a couple of hours at a time. Jean and I tried everything to get them to rest, including placing them on top of our clothes dryer, hoping the movement would calm them. Other nights, I would drive Trent – and two years later, Troy – around the neighborhood at two o’clock in the morning. But every time, as soon as I brought them home and lay them down – boom!
Why do kids behave poorly?
According to Dr. Kevin Leman, there are four goals of misbehavior:
Attention. “I only count when others notice me and serve me.”
Power. “I only count when others do what I want them to do when I want them to do it.”
Revenge. “I only count when I hurt others like I’ve been hurt.”
Display of inadequacy. “I’m no good. I’m worth nothing. I can’t do anything right, so why try at all?”
Once you understand why your child misbehaves, the next important question is: what do you do about it?
Kids are full of good questions. But sometimes parents aren’t prepared with good answers.
Like, “Where do babies come from?”
If you’re in that stage of parenting, don’t panic. Questions like these are usually simple curiosity. Your child is realizing that the world is bigger than he is. It’s unlikely that he’s searching for an anatomical explanation. Rather, he’s trying to figure out where he existed prior to mom giving birth to him.
A great way to respond is to turn this question into an opportunity to introduce your child to the God of the Bible, who created and loves him (Psalm 139:14).
There’s an old saying that if a hammer is the only tool you own, everything will look like a nail. That’s why a well-rounded toolbox also contains screwdrivers, pliers, and wrenches of all sizes. Each tool is designed to solve a specific problem.
With that in mind, how many tools are in your parenting toolbox? There isn’t one tool to rule them all. Some moms and dads rely on the same emotion and parenting techniques for every situation – anger, overly strict rules, permissiveness, etc.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Do you remember people saying that when you were a child? How old were you when you realized that it wasn’t true? Words can hurt.
That’s a good reminder if you’re part of a family whose members like to joke around with each other. Channeled properly, friendly teasing can be both healthy and bonding. Laughter is contagious. It brings people together by diffusing arguments and smoothing out differences.
Being a parent is the most natural thing in the world in many ways. But there’s a lot to learn as well. At Focus on the Family, we routinely hear from parents who struggle with how and when to discipline their child. If you have questions in that area, keep a few basics in mind.
First, make sure your child understands the rules before you discipline him. If Junior hasn’t been told ahead of time a particular behavior is wrong, cut him some slack.
When it comes to instilling character in children, the most important characteristic we can model is resilience – overcoming struggles and difficulties.
As the apostle Paul writes, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Cor. 4:8-9).
Resilience is a mindset. It’s a process of adapting in the face of significant stress. With resilience, challenges become opportunities to learn and mature.
What’s your relationship with clutter Does it bring your comfort? Or fill you with anxiety?
We’re all a little different. Some of us don’t mind a little clutter, or see a good reason to pick up somebody’s else socks. Some of us feel a tidy home offers peace. We’re more calm if we’re not navigating scattered piles of things and activities.
Regardless of where you fall on the tidiness spectrum, there are ways to organize that increase the efficiency of your home, so you can maximize the time you devote to family and other priorities.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
