Daly Focus Blog
What if you and your children each spoke different languages?
Imagine the challenges. How would you communicate? How would you express your love? Even if you repeatedly said the words, “I love you,” your child might never be able to fully receive your love on an emotional level. To communicate in a way that your child understands, you would need to learn to speak his or her language.
The truth is your child does speak his or her own language.
As you read this today, you may have a prodigal child who is in trouble, or in danger. They’re seemingly lost in bad friends, bad choices, and bad consequences. Your other children feel left behind in the wake of their sibling’s chaos. And you’re questioning where you went wrong.
Few things are as painful as children who turn away from their family and the values they were taught. The deeper the pain, the harder hope is to find.
Few experiences are as comforting and connecting as a family gathered around the Thanksgiving table. Fellowship with family and giving thanks to God for His many blessings are things we look forward to in the Daly household every year.
But the holidays weren’t like that for me growing up. My mother died when I was young and my stepfather abandoned me and my siblings, so Thanksgiving was anything but a peaceful family holiday. Mostly I remember feeling disconnected from everything that was happening around me.
What’s your ideal image of the perfect parent?
Is it a mom pulling fresh-baked cookies out of the oven right as her children come home from school?
Is it a dad in the yard with a couple of baseball mitts and a ball, inviting his son to come out and play?
Or maybe you imagine someone who’s never too busy, who never raises their voice, and who never gets annoyed or distracted.
Authors Brandon and Analyn Miller remember a season of their parenting when nothing seemed to get them closer to their ideal vision of parenting despite access to an abundance of advice and parenting resources.
If you have a teenager who’s not working a job, the question is, “Why?” Working a job will bring out qualities in your teenager that you won’t always see from them at home.
When teenagers work – whether it’s scooping ice cream, working the drive-thru at a fast-food place, or cashiering at a grocery store – they’re developing valuable life skills. They’ll learn to submit to authority and to handle responsibly when they’re in charge. They’ll learn how to serve others and to be accountable for their choices.
Dr. Kevin Leman says strong-willed children are given a bad rap. We want to raise our kids to be strong-willed. When the world tells them, “Believe this,” or “Do that,” we want our children to know right from wrong and to have the strength of conviction to stand for it.
What we don’t want to raise, Dr. Leman says, is what he calls a “powerful child.” Powerful children have an agenda. They want to win, to control, and to dominate.
There’s a lot of talk these days about “toxic masculinity,” that is, what men are not supposed to do.
Author Brant Hansen says that many men – especially many young men – don’t know what they’re supposed to do.
The culture routinely deconstructs, but we rarely construct. Men need a vision for what is distinctly and inherently good about masculinity.
God creates men for a purpose. Every man has a role to fill. Whether you’re healthy or have a disability, wealthy or poor, a student, an accountant, or a mechanic, God is calling you to do something and to be something for Him.
When my boys were growing up, my wife and I often talked to them about their goals. Trent and Troy usually focused on things like grades or what they hoped to achieve in sports. Jean and I supported those ambitions, but we also encouraged them to think outside the box, like considering what they could do to develop their character.
Which got my wife and me thinking about setting goals for our marriage. We began having conversations about our relationship in terms of themes, like forgiveness, grace, or patience.
It’s been said that it’s “easier to build a boy than to mend a man.”
I agree.
A startling number of boys today are alone, left to figure out for themselves what it means to be a man. They don’t have a father in the home who will engage them.
Oh, Dad may be there. But he isn’t present.
There are a lot of great dads out there, but too many men are disengaged. They don’t see manhood as a quality to intentionally bestow upon their sons.
A lot of moms say they’re stressed out. Is it any wonder why? They’re driving themselves into the ground, chasing a standard of perfection no one could possibly meet.
A lot of you know what I’m talking about. You’re a fulltime employee outside the home … a job you go to only once you’ve gotten your children up, fed, and off to school. And when you get home that night, you’re still on the clock. If you’re not cooking dinner or helping your children with homework, you’re probably driving somebody to their soccer practice or dental appointment.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
