Daly Focus Blog
When my boys learned how to drive, I don’t mind saying I was nervous about it. I knew they’d do fine, but my wife, Jean and I talked through our expectations before we ever handed over a set of keys. From one parent to another, here are a few things that might make sense to you, too.
Teens usually think their driver’s license is all the permission they need to hit the road. But driving ought to be a privilege they earn instead of an absolute right.
Have you had “The Talk” with your children?
Yes, that talk – the one about sex.
When the time came for me to talk with my oldest son, Trent, I was pretty nervous. Sex can be uncomfortable for two adults to talk about openly, let alone a child. Nevertheless, I was pushed forward.
After explaining the sacredness of human sexuality, I carefully described, in simple and age-appropriate terms, the basic mechanics of sex. When I finished, Trent was awfully quiet.
David Jones is living proof that you should never underestimate a father’s love.
For months, David looked forward to walking his daughter down the aisle. But then Hurricane Helene came along, causing catastrophic damage, knocking out power for millions, and shutting down hundreds of roads, including the ones David needed to get to his daughter’s wedding.
Under normal conditions, his drive from South Carolina to Tennessee takes two hours. After the hurricane, he spent seven hours in traffic that ended at a road block almost 20 miles from his destination.
Has parenting been a bumpy ride for you? Some days may be so stressful you’re left wondering, “Is all of this worth it?”
I believe the answer is a resounding yes, but you may not fully appreciate why until after your children are grown. The turbulence can blind you to the reward. On summer vacation one year, my boys and I signed up for a helicopter ride over Bryce Canyon in Utah. The day of our flight the helicopter was under repair, so the pilot took us up in a small Cessna he owned instead.
Some parents believe you develop a child’s self-confidence by protecting them from adversity. That strategy seems reasonable, but it’s actually counter-productive. Children need love and support, but they also need challenges. Effective parenting isn’t about making children comfortable right where they are. It’s about encouraging them toward something even greater.
Let me give you a personal example: My father figures were difficult to respect. My biological father died from alcohol. My step dad abandoned me and my siblings the day of my mother’s funeral.
Parenting can be frustrating!
Authors Amber Lia and Wendy Speake thought they were the only moms who believed that. Then they interviewed other women and discovered that many struggle.
Anger catches many moms off guard. Stress slowly builds until something finally pushes them over the edge and then – boom! – an outburst. Shame quickly follows, which immediately translates into isolation and feelings of inadequacy.
For every brave mom who acknowledges a problem with anger, hundreds more wonder if they’re the only ones who struggle with it.
As a Denver Broncos fan, I don’t usually root for the Kansas City Chiefs. But I’ll make an exception for the Chiefs’ kicker, Harrison Butker, who came under fire after a commencement speech at Benedictine College went viral. Detractors said his comments were disrespectful to women.
But were they really? If you give his speech a fair hearing, I believe the answer is clearly no. Butker celebrated his wife. He praised her tireless dedication to their marriage and to their children.
Author Curtis Chang personally understands the suffering anxiety causes. Growing up, he was a latchkey kid who dealt with severe anxiety every day, tormenting him with fearful thoughts that his parents would never come home from work and leave him to fend for himself. He coped by repeatedly calling his mother’s office and tracking her arrival home.
While serving as a pastor, Curtis coped with anxiety through preparation and study. But the stress of pastoring eventually pushed him beyond his ability to cope, and he had a breakdown.
Rosaria Butterfield was a tenured professor at Syracuse University who taught queer studies. She was also a lesbian activist who opposed Christianity and wrote scathing articles against people of faith. She even testified before Congress on behalf of the LGBT community.
She was beyond God’s reach.
Or so a lot of people thought. Instead, God worked through a series of unique people and circumstances to change her heart and demonstrate that no one is beyond His reach.
The teen years can be stressful and chaotic – for teenagers and parents. Teens are experiencing a multitude of simultaneous changes – physical, emotional, social and cognitive – all while their drive for independence is ramping up. The choppy waters that result can destabilize a household and stir up conflict over who’s in charge of their bedroom, their friends, their schoolwork and more.
One thing Jean and I learned while raising our boys was the importance of giving them freedom to grow.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
