Daly Focus Blog
Have you had “The Talk” with your child? You know, the one about sex?
If so, how did it go?
If not, why not? Maybe you feel nervous because you don’t know what to say.
I don’t blame you. The talk I had with one of my boys didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. I’d planned a weekend long father/son getaway. We had a good time, and I did my best to explain everything in a way he’d understand.
Amy Rienow says she and her husband Rob got married … then dated for 10 years.
It was just a few months from first their first date to their wedding, which meant the years that followed were filled with surprises. They both loved the Lord, but they were clueless about the purpose of marriage and family.
Their crisis moment came 10 years into their marriage. Rob was a dedicated youth pastor. His number one passion was passing his faith to other people’s children.
There’s no one way to raise children. Discipline that works magic with one child may be completely ineffective with another.
At the bottom of every effective parenting strategy lies a universal foundation to good parenting: relationship.
Author Josh McDowell says, “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.” That means your child’s primary concern in life is not your rules.
What matters most to your teen or young adult is knowing that you love them.
That sense of intimate connection won’t come through your instruction, lectures, or rules.
I remember taking our boys to Disneyland when they were around 6 and 8. One of them was determined to get his way and had a meltdown. My attempted solution was to threaten, “Control yourself, or you will never come here again.”
It was a silly parenting strategy on my part because at the time, Jean and I enjoyed taking the boys to Disneyland and creating memories. In other words, I wasn’t really willing to follow through on the consequences I threatened.
At some point, almost every boy will struggle with the feeling that he doesn’t measure up.
My teenage feelings of inadequacy shot to the surface one day while I was in gym class, standing behind a muscular upper-classman named Glen and one of his buddies. They were talking about how guys grow bigger as they get older.
Without warning, Glen wheeled around and – Bam! – he socked me right in the chest. “See this guy?” he said.
I’ll cut right to the point.
Jean and I are grieving a little bit this week – not over the death of a loved one or a dire medical diagnosis – but grieving nonetheless.
Our oldest, Trent, left for a nearby college earlier this week.
We couldn’t be happier for him, of course, especially seeing how he’s matured and grown over these last few years. We’ve been impressed with his choice of friends, his attitude and his overall goals and sense of direction.
“We
practiced an active shooter drill today.”
Those
words from Lee Nienhuis’ grade-school aged son, Ryan, felt like a gut punch.
She could barely hold herself together when he told her, “We pile up in the
corner like puppies, and we hide.”
That
wasn’t the only time Lee was confronted by the darkness her children face in this
world. Another incident happened in church. The congregation was singing the
hymn I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.
As officials attempt to continue piecing together the motives
behind last weekend’s horrific cold-blooded murder sprees in both El Paso,
Texas, and Dayton, Ohio, attention has turned once again to the role violent
video games play in these types of attacks.
In remarks from the White House earlier this week, President Trump
suggested they were likely one factor in a long list of many.
“We must stop the glorification of
violence in our society,” he said.
So
here’s the scenario. It’s a weeknight, and your child has spent most of the
evening on the same school assignment. It’s pretty clear he doesn’t understand
the information. To top it off, he’s brought home a note from the teacher warning
you about a failing grade.
What
do you do?
Many parents immediately assume the worst. They
think their child has a behavior problem, difficulty learning, or is just plain
lazy. But most of the time school challenges like this aren’t a crisis.
When author and counselor Dr. David Clarke speaks to parents, he humorously asks if children are a gift from God … or instruments of slow torture.
His answer: both!
He tells parents they’re fighting three wars:
With their own children. Kids are wonderful gifts from God, but they’re fiendishly inventive at getting their own way.With their spouse. Most couples find out after their first child is born that they have different parenting styles.With the culture. Everything from the entertainment industry to social media to public policy makes parenting children increasingly difficult.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
