Do you like to buy gifts for your children? I sure do for my two boys. I enjoy seeing the look on their face when they get an unexpected present about as much as they enjoy opening it. But here’s the tricky part. We parents can overdo gift giving. From bikes to smartphones to cars, some of us give our kids everything. We all love to see our children happy, of course, but a little struggle can be good for them.
Finding Hope in an Unexpected Pregnancy
Each year, about six million women in the United States become pregnant. Of those pregnancies, nearly half – 45 percent – are unplanned.
Most of the time, teenagers are the focus of such conversation, but many married adult women with children are surprised by unexpected pregnancies as well. They watch their youngest child enter elementary school, or their oldest graduate from high school, then discover they’re pregnant and starting over at stage one. They feel shocked, exhausted, and embarrassed.
Rules of the Road
When my boys learned how to drive, I don’t mind saying I was nervous about it. I knew they’d do fine, but my wife, Jean and I talked through our expectations before we ever handed over a set of keys. From one parent to another, here are a few things that might make sense to you, too.
Teens usually think their driver’s license is all the permission they need to hit the road. But driving ought to be a privilege they earn instead of an absolute right.
President Jim Daly on Executive Order Ending War on Women’s Sports
“President Trump’s latest executive order preserving the integrity of women’s sports is a victory for common sense.
“Generations labored for years to provide our daughters with a platform to compete, only to have their work undone by radical and dangerous activists whose efforts endangered the safety of female athletes. No more. This executive action rights a moral and ethical wrong.
“Mothers and fathers can now look forward to watching their girls square off against other girls, not imposters or the sexually confused.
Permission to Fail
There’s a concept motivational speakers talk about called “failing forward.” It’s all about turning your mistakes into success. One of the best ways to instill that idea into your children is to give them permission to fail.
When my son Troy turned 12, he gave Little League a try. He was nervous. So was I. He had never played baseball before while the other kids had been at it four or five years already. I wondered how long it would be after Troy took the field for his inexperience to show through.
Helping Your Child Deal with Bullies
Daniel was 13 years old when he wrote a letter to his parents that he had a “great life.” A few weeks later, he was dead.
According to his letter, Daniel’s “great life” spiraled out of control right after he started junior high. Five classmates bullied him incessantly. And when Daniel tried to defend himself, fights broke out.
Daniel wrote that he had “begged and pleaded” with his teachers and the school’s principal to intervene, but they “didn’t do ANYTHING!” The school denied any wrongdoing, but the bullying didn’t stop until, sadly, Daniel ended his own life.
Home or Hotel?
The next time your teenager doesn’t want to help out around the house, you’ve got an important decision to make. Do you want your child to live in a home or a hotel?
You see, a home is where a family lives. It’s where moms and dads and sons and daughters all contribute together to the running of the household in whatever way they’re capable. A hotel, on the other hand, is where people are waited on hand and foot and their every need is met.
Listening to the Heart of Your Kids
Jean and I recognized early on in our parenting that our boys, Trent and Troy, needed to be parented differently. They were – and are – individuals. They each had their own personalities, needs, and interests. Sometimes that was a challenge to navigate. They did share one thing in common with each other – and with your children: the desire to be heard and valued.
Listening to the heart of your children is key to being an effective parent and having a strong relationship with them as they grow into adulthood.
Bringing Your Kids Back to Christ
So many young people are wrestling with their faith that there’s a term for it in the culture: deconstruction. Deconstruction basically means you strip your faith to the bone and see what – if anything – survives.
That process can be scary to watch if it’s your adult child who’s questioning every value they’ve been taught. It can also lead to confusing questions. What are the boundaries with someone who’s deconstructing? How do you come alongside your child while allowing him or her to struggle?
Shaming Kids
Unfortunately, many parents discipline their children with shame.
Shaming takes many forms – screaming, name calling, even humiliation. Shaming may produce an immediate change in behavior, but it results in long-term damage to the child. Shame teaches children that their mistakes lead to condemnation instead of support. They learn to avoid embarrassment and humiliation by hiding rather than seeking help. The parent, instead of being a resource for the child to learn and grow, becomes the cause of the child’s pain and isolation.
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