Daly Focus Blog
It’s
easy for us as Christians to lose track of God’s timing in our lives. Our
culture is driven, and we often fall prey to busyness. We work hard at our
jobs. We volunteer at church. We have hobbies and responsibilities around the
house. Some days there’s not much left of our time or our energy to keep our relationships
in order.
That
was true for Terry Looper. His goal was to become a wealthy businessman.
“We
practiced an active shooter drill today.”
Those
words from Lee Nienhuis’ grade-school aged son, Ryan, felt like a gut punch.
She could barely hold herself together when he told her, “We pile up in the
corner like puppies, and we hide.”
That
wasn’t the only time Lee was confronted by the darkness her children face in this
world. Another incident happened in church. The congregation was singing the
hymn I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.
Author Tricia Goyer says she never thought she had an anger problem … until she had to deal with children who had anger problems. She and her husband had three kids of their own and adopted seven others.
Their adopted children had emotions that Tricia didn’t know how to handle. They struggled with pain from their past. They were angry from being away from their biological families. Some of them had faced difficulties in foster care.
Has one of your children ever thrown a world-class fit in a store?
My son Trent did that once when he was little. He wanted a candy bar while he was with his mom in the checkout aisle. I was out of town, so Jean was alone with him. Trent had a meltdown because he couldn’t have the chocolate he was after.
Jean was a new mom and was embarrassed that she couldn’t get Trent under control.
Teaching character to children and motivating them to embrace change can be a challenge. So where do you begin?
Dr. Kathy Koch says you do it by strengthening your relationship with your child. You can help your child feel known and understood and intentionally impart character qualities like resilience, humility, self-respect, respect for others, and self-control.
It comes through relationship. You first model those qualities, then you guide your children as they learn to interact with life the same way.
Let me ask you this: Which part of your marriage relationship do you believe will develop the deepest intimacy?
Here are your choices:
Sexuality
Emotions
Spiritual connection
They each have their place, of course, but all things considered, spiritual connection with your spouse will create a deeper, more meaningful connection than the other two areas.
Here’s why. The benefits of spiritual intimacy naturally spill over to the other two areas, but not necessarily the other way around.
Mom, you play a pivotal role in your son’s life.
It’s you who will help your son learn how to communicate verbally, to express his emotion, and to share his feelings – things he’s not as likely to learn from his dad.
You’re also the primary woman who will demonstrate how your son ought to treat other women – with love, strength, kindness, and character.
Then, along about junior high, your relationship with your son will begin to shift.
I know of a couple whose daughter disappeared from home in a fit of rebellion on her 18thbirthday. Her parents were devastated. For years, they didn’t know if she was alive or dead.
Early on, her mother made a simple decision. Every night – all night – she would turn on the porch light. It was an unspoken message to her daughter: “You’re always welcome home.”
Many nights, tears streamed down that mother’s face as she locked the front door, switched on the light, and prayed for her daughter.
Author Joe Pellegrino discovered it’s never too late to let your children know you love ‘em. When his son Joey was little, Joe taught him to play baseball. As a challenge, he told Joey, “If you hit the ball over my head, I’ll buy you the Lego pirate ship you’ve been wanting.”
As Joe remembers the story, Joey never hit the ball over his head. Joey remembers the day differently. Over the years, those differences in memory occasionally came up.
Years ago, while working as a camp counselor, author Craig Jutila floated on a canoe to the center of the lake for a few quiet hours alone. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the water was completely still.
It was after hours, and no other boats were out. So he did the only sensible thing: With an extra life jacket for his pillow, he nestled in for a short nap.
An hour later, he woke up to the voices of strangers.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
