Daly Focus Blog
Amy Rienow says she and her husband Rob got married … then dated for 10 years.
It was just a few months from first their first date to their wedding, which meant the years that followed were filled with surprises. They both loved the Lord, but they were clueless about the purpose of marriage and family.
Their crisis moment came 10 years into their marriage. Rob was a dedicated youth pastor. His number one passion was passing his faith to other people’s children.
We don’t like to think about getting older. We especially don’t like to think about death.
Maybe that’s why studies show only a third of us prepare for the inevitable with advanced directives. It’s also why a growing number of people are finding themselves ill-equipped for the rigors and responsibilities of caring for an aging loved one.
Taking on the care of an aging parent or family member is a big job that rarely comes about at a convenient time for the caregiver.
I still remember when a small airplane crashed across the street from where I lived when I was 14 years old. I heard the crash, then called 911 and ran to the plane. I was able to help two 20-somethings get out of the burning wreckage.
At first, I thought the young men were the only two in the plane. I soon realized two other men had been in the front – the young men’s fathers.
Author Shauna Pilgreen says, “A life of comfort is a win for the enemy. When you’re comfortable, you’re usually leaning on your own strength, which means you’re leaning less on God’s strength.”
Shauna and her husband have learned to rely on God in uncomfortable circumstances, and they’re actively passing that faith on to their children.
It started in earnest when God led the Pilgreens from their cozy suburban life in Missouri to plant a church in San Francisco, where their lives are anything but comfortable.
It’s easy for us as Christians to lose track of God’s timing in our lives. Our culture is driven, and we often fall prey to busyness. We work hard at our jobs. We volunteer at church. We have hobbies and responsibilities around the house. Some days there’s not much left of our time or our energy to keep our relationships in order.
That was true for Terry Looper. His goal was to become a wealthy businessman.
“We practiced an active shooter drill today.”
Those words from Lee Nienhuis’ grade-school aged son, Ryan, felt like a gut punch. She could barely hold herself together when he told her, “We pile up in the corner like puppies, and we hide.”
That wasn’t the only time Lee was confronted by the darkness her children face in this world. Another incident happened in church. The congregation was singing the hymn I Have Decided to Follow Jesus. Lee could hear her son Ryan singing when they reached the words: “The cross before me, the world behind me.
Author Tricia Goyer says she never thought she had an anger problem … until she had to deal with children who had anger problems. She and her husband had three kids of their own and adopted seven others.
Their adopted children had emotions that Tricia didn’t know how to handle. They struggled with pain from their past. They were angry from being away from their biological families. Some of them had faced difficulties in foster care.
Has one of your children ever thrown a world-class fit in a store?
My son Trent did that once when he was little. He wanted a candy bar while he was with his mom in the checkout aisle. I was out of town, so Jean was alone with him. Trent had a meltdown because he couldn’t have the chocolate he was after.
Jean was a new mom and was embarrassed that she couldn’t get Trent under control.
Teaching character to children and motivating them to embrace change can be a challenge. So where do you begin?
Dr. Kathy Koch says you do it by strengthening your relationship with your child. You can help your child feel known and understood and intentionally impart character qualities like resilience, humility, self-respect, respect for others, and self-control.
It comes through relationship. You first model those qualities, then you guide your children as they learn to interact with life the same way.
Let me ask you this: Which part of your marriage relationship do you believe will develop the deepest intimacy?
Here are your choices:
Sexuality
Emotions
Spiritual connection
They each have their place, of course, but all things considered, spiritual connection with your spouse will create a deeper, more meaningful connection than the other two areas.
Here’s why. The benefits of spiritual intimacy naturally spill over to the other two areas, but not necessarily the other way around.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
