What I've Learned

My dad left our family when I was five years old and died an alcoholic a few years later. My mom died when I was nine. Hank, my stepdad, walked out on my siblings and me the day of her funeral. After that, I lived with a foster family for a year, but they were so toxic that my life got worse, not better.

Given my broken childhood, hosting a nationally syndicated radio show about all things family has been an unexpected gift to me. The thousand-plus people I’ve interviewed on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly have taught me wonderful lessons about family and faith.

Like teacher Ray VanderLaan. When I accompanied him on a trip to the Holy Land, he walked me through a scorching desert (literally!) to make Psalm 23 come alive. Trekking through a land so unbearably hot, I understood like never before Scripture’s portrayal of God as a shepherd who leads His flock to cool shade.

I’ve also talked to relationship experts who remind me that marriage isn’t about making me happy. It’s about the sacrifices I can make to create a happy relationship. And when my marriage is happier, I will be happier.

Parenting experts have taught me that children need increasing levels of freedom and autonomy as they grow older. And that parents should avoid swooping in when their children make mistakes. Failure is a great teacher.

I’ve also listened to family experts who remind me that formulas fail, but relationships win – especially in parenting. As author Josh McDowell often says, “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.”

Who do you turn to for wisdom? Who helps you live in ways that not only benefit you but the people around you? As Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”