Navigating Faith Deconstruction with Your Loved Ones

How do you help a loved one who is “deconstructing”?

Authors Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett, who have researched the deconstruction movement and engaged in conversations with friends and family about it, describe deconstruction as “a postmodern process of rethinking your faith without regarding Scripture as a standard.”

The Bible itself encourages us to evaluate our understanding of truth (Acts 17:11). However, Alisa and Tim argue that “faith deconstruction” is quite different. In the mind of deconstructionists, Christianity is toxic and abusive in claiming the authority of Scripture. From that singular point, deconstruction-fueled worldviews spiral outward in every conceivable (and sometimes inconceivable) direction, from “woke” theologies to progressive Christianity to agnosticism to atheism.

How do you help a loved who is deconstructing?

Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett answer that question on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. We talk at length about the deconstruction movement and will equip you to compassionately respond to your loved one with both grace and truth.

Alisa and Tim offer advice for helping those with a loved one in deconstruction:

Pray – Don’t underestimate the power of prayer. With God, something is happening even when nothing seems to be happening.
Stay calm, stay in their lives – You’ll be tempted to jump in and “fix” the problem. Keep your relationship with your loved one open and allow God time to move.
Triage – Like a doctor in an emergency room, treat the most urgent need first. Ask yourself: what is my loved one’s most urgent need?
Set boundaries and respect theirs – On the one hand, don’t sanitize what’s occurring in deconstruction. On the other hand, respect your loved one’s boundaries.

And remember, it’s never too late for God to show up, so trust God to fulfill His perfect will in this situation.

Alisa Childers is an author, apologist, speaker, and mother. Tim Barnett is a former teacher, apologist, and speaker with Stand to Reason – an apologetics ministry dedicated to training Christians to think more clearly about their faith. Tune in for our full conversation with Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts or take us with you on our free phone app.

Before I close, I’d like to extend an invitation for you to become a special partner with us through our monthly “Friends of Focus on the Family” program. When you do, I’ll send you a copy of Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett’s book The Deconstruction of Christianity: What It Is, Why It’s Destructive, and How to Respond as a way of saying thank you for touching others with the love of Christ. You’ll also receive member-exclusive benefits. To make your pledge, or for more information, click here or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).