Relational Power

Ladies, did you enter into marriage expecting more connection, conversation, and intimacy with your husband than you’re getting? If the romance in your marriage has faded, you may even be wondering, “Did I marry the wrong man?”

My friend and colleague Dr. Juli Slattery tells the women she counsels that the secret to intimacy in marriage is not finding a hero to be your husband … but uncovering the hero that’s already there.

To call forth the hero in your husband, tap into what Dr. Slattery calls your relational power. It works like this: The degree to which your spouse needs something that you alone can provide is the degree to which you have power in the relationship. Emotional and physical needs are just two areas in marriage where husbands and wives rely on each other. In healthy marriages, couples use their relational power to motivate their spouse toward positive choices.

Relational power with your husband primarily takes the form of respect. Respect is like air for men: they need it. Disappointment and disregard will shut your husband down. Respect will open him up. Your fondness, admiration, and pride in your husband is key to unlocking his heart and opening him up to deeper connection, conversation, and intimacy.

There’s a hero in your husband. And you have the relational power to uncover him.