Daly Focus Blog
My wife and I often discuss our relationship in terms of a theme. It could be “forgiveness,” or “grace,” or maybe “patience.” Then we try to weave that theme into every part of our marriage. Not only will we try to be more patient, for example, but we’ll make patience a part of our conversation with one another for that season of life.
Sometimes all it takes to infuse a marriage with more happiness is a few small changes.
Todd and Karen Ehman were convinced they were perfectly matched for one another … until they went to premarital counseling.
They underwent a battery of tests and expected their counselor to tell them, “Your relationship was made in heaven. You’re going places. You’re going to do great things for God.” Instead, he held Todd’s profile in one hand and Karen’s profile in the other. He said, “I have to be honest with you. I know you love each other, and you love the Lord.
Darryl and Tracy Strawberry are living proof that with God’s help, any couple can overcome obstacles that seem insurmountable and build a happy marriage. Their life together has been a difficult but rewarding journey.
They met each other in recovery. At the time, neither one was living for the Lord, and they were both broken people.
Darryl was $3 million in debt. He had been a power hitting, eight-time Major League All-Star who earned four World Series championships in 17 seasons with teams like the New York Mets and the New York Yankees.
The secret to winning in a team sport is no secret at all. Teammates have to share a common goal and know how to work together to achieve it. When you wear the same uniform, it’s not about “me,” it’s about “we.”
That commitment to unity is what makes a marriage work, too. But working together as a team isn’t always easy.
Just ask Joshua and Christi Straub. Their teamwork isn’t so great sometimes, either. And that’s saying something.
Dr. David Clarke says most guys are clams. Clams bury themselves in the sand and are quite content to hide there. Guys like to hide relationally. They’re naturally much better at tasks that require strength, confidence, and leadership. Those are key skills in business and sports, but they’re not especially useful when it comes to a relationship with a woman.
Women want closeness – connection, understanding, openness, and intimacy. That’s why when a woman’s husband clams up and hides, she tries to pry him open.
Hurdlers don’t usually stumble on the open stretch of track. Victory or defeat is mostly about clearing the obstacles.
It’s the same for marriage. Relationships don’t stumble when everything is calm, and life is rolling along smoothly. Problems tend to develop when couples encounter some kind of stress.
Those moments are an opportunity for husbands and wives to work together as a team.
My wife and I have gone through quite a few transition periods. We’ve faced challenges in our extended families, relocated to new cities, and raised two boys.
Grammy-award
winning singer and songwriter Russ Taff grew up in church, but he was an adult
the first time he was truly able to understand God’s love.
His
dad was a pastor who preached what Russ calls a “hard Gospel.” That means there
were rules about clothes, rules about hair, rules about attitude. Rules, rules,
rules – so many that his father couldn’t live up to his own standards. His
father relapsed with alcohol again and again for years and, ultimately, didn’t stop
drinking until he died.
“Maybe D.A. and Elicia shouldn’t get married.”
A lot of friends and family must have thought that about D.A. and Elicia Horton … even the drug dealers on the corner. No kidding!
One night two months before their wedding, D.A. and Elicia got into yet another terrible argument. This one was the worst in a long string of them, however, because what started as a disagreement inside quickly escalated into a six-hour screaming match outside. It was so bad they say drug dealers moved their business further down the road because D.A.
“…and they lived happily ever after.”
Most of the stories you heard in childhood probably ended like that. It’s the stuff of fairy tales with Prince Charming and damsels in distress.
Living happily ever after is also the hope of every couple standing at a wedding altar. Here’s the problem: happiness is an emotion – and a fickle one at that. It comes and goes with nearly every change of circumstances.
When good things happen, we’re happy.
The tingles can get you married. They can also get you divorced.
Dr. Gary Chapman hears a lot about “the tingles.” It begins when couples come to him for premarital counseling, and he asks, “Why do you want to get married?”
However else they answer, one reason they always include is: “We love each other.”
To that, Dr. Chapman asks, “What do you mean, ‘We love each other’?”
After exchanging awkward looks, the couple will usually say something that equates to “the tingles” to which Dr.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
