Daly Focus Blog
We try to predict everything – from the weather to the stock market to the winner of the Super Bowl or the World Series. But can anyone accurately predict the chances that your marriage will succeed?
Dr. John Gottman, a widely respected marriage therapist, estimates that he predicts with 90% accuracy whether or not a newly married couple will go the distance. His secret isn’t a crystal ball. It’s extensive research that examines how couples communicate.
Prayer is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your marriage.
Most Christian couples have heard that advice and believe it. But prayer still falls by the wayside when life gets busy and responsibilities demand our time and attention.
How can we incorporate prayer into our marriage in a way that not only helps us grow closer to our spouse but also deepens our relationship in Christ?
We’re answering that question on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Praying for Your Marriage Is Essential” with our guest Jodie Berndt, a public speaker, Bible teacher, and the author of 10 books, including the best-selling Praying the Scriptures series.
When you ask couples which areas of life influence their marriage the most, children and finances are usually number one and two on the list. You may be surprised to learn that chores rank third.
How can something as simple as housework fuel conflict in a marriage?
Not long after the wedding, couples become focused on household tasks that matter to one spouse but not the other. The next thing you know they’re locked in a power struggle over who does more and who works harder.
Years ago, author and speaker Dannah Gresh inexplicably struggled with physical pain. Doctors tested for a number of problems, including cancer and lupus, but couldn’t identify the issue.
Her troubles continued until her counselor asked if Bob, her husband, was being faithful to her, suggesting that a woman’s body can sense when their husband is mentally, spiritually, and sexually distant.
When Dannah confronted Bob about her suspicions, he denied that he was struggling with sexual integrity.
When Jean and I first started dating, I was willing to inconvenience myself to show her my interest. I lived in San Diego, and she lived in Orange County. Despite the 90 miles that separated us, I’d often take dinner to her while she was at work.
Fast forward to the early years of our marriage, and I couldn’t be bothered to run an errand for her down the street. Something had changed. I was easily distracted.
Opposites attract. With a little communication, those differences usually can be navigated. But sometimes it’s differences in communication itself that are the problem.
Authors Bill and Pam Farrel offer a simple word picture to illustrate the distinction between how men and women communicate: Men are like waffles; women are like spaghetti.
Ladies are the spaghetti. The noodles run in random directions, and they all seem to touch each other. That’s a visual for the way women easily jump from one subject to another within a conversation.
There’s a saying that every parent should give their children two gifts: roots and wings.
The days and weeks after our children leave home to carve their own path through life may feel uncomfortable for us, but our pain is actually a good sign. It indicates that we have a strong connection with our children and that their absence matters to us.
The challenge is not allowing our sadness to get in the way of our children stepping forward into life.
What does intimacy look like in a thriving marriage?
Pronounce the word “intimacy” a little differently, and the answer becomes clearer. Instead of saying, “intimacy,” say, “Into me, see.”
The idea is that healthy couples “see into” each other’s hearts. They discover each other’s likes and dislikes, put each other’s needs above their own, and seek to better understand each other’s perspectives.
To create intimacy that will sustain your marriage across a lifetime, weave the following three virtues through every part of your relationship:
Always be honest with each other.
“…to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
Couples often recite vows like this at their wedding. But no sooner do they walk the gauntlet of flying rice afterward than the word “cherish” begins to fade from their vocabulary. They don’t mean for it to happen, but the months and years go by, they settle into the daily routine of life, and they wake one day with a marriage that’s missing something deeper and more satisfying.
Sexual intimacy in marriage can be complicated.
Many couples’ physical relationships are centered around one central question: What makes me feel good? Even couples who avoid self-centeredness often feel disappointed with their partner’s shortcomings. There are also physical changes, medical issues, and emotional challenges that interrupt our lives from time to time. As we get older, the realm of sex changes drastically within a marriage relationship.
Which can leave couples with a lot of questions.
We’ve got answers.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
