Daly Focus Blog
Did God design marriage to make us happy?
Before I answer that, let’s define our terms.
On one end of the spectrum is happiness that’s rooted in pleasure-seeking. Happiness of this sort isn’t necessarily bad, but it does have a shelf-life. It’s like eating ice cream – the dessert is tasty, but the pleasure doesn’t last very long.
On the other end of the spectrum is happiness rooted in meaningful activity, purpose, and deeply-held values that endure.
Jesus could have judged the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-11). She was guilty, after all. The crowd knew it. She knew it, too. And according to the strict law of Moses, she deserved death by stoning.
Rocks in hand, the men dragged the woman through the streets, and asked Jesus for her final verdict. Instead of condemning her, Jesus forgave her.
That story from the book of John is helpful for couples whose marriages have been assaulted by the betrayal of adultery.
Ding, ding, ding! Put your gloves on for round 1!
It’s healthy to disagree. Why? Because nobody is 100% correct 100% of the time. Disagreement improves ideas, charts a new course or corrects an old one, and allows people to see their faults and to grow from them. The trick is to engage in conflict in productive ways.
That’s particularly true for married couples.
With us on our radio program to offer practical guidance for strengthening your marriage through disagreeing are Ron and Deb DeArmond, authors of the book Don’t Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight.
Week ending May 29th:
The Graduate Survival Guide (by Anthony ONeal & Rachel Cruze)
Through the Eyes of a Lion (by Levi Lusko)
The Birth Order Book (by Dr. Kevin Leman)
A Family Shaped by Grace (by Gary Morland)
Our Newlywed Kitchen (by Laura Schupp)
ESV Economy Bible
Raising Kingdom Kids (by Tony Evans)
Swipe Right (by Levi Lusko)
Kingdom Marriage (by Tony Evans)
Grace Based Discipline (by Karis Kimmel Murray)
Faith, Hope, Love, and Deployment (by Heather Gray)
The Antelope in the Living Room (by Melanie Shankle)
A Lifelong Love (by Gary Thomas)
Ready to Wed: 12 Ways to Start a Marriage You’ll Love (by Dr.
Week ending May 22, 2018
Swipe Right ( by Levi Lusko)
Through the Eyes of a Lion (by Levi Lusko)
Our Newlywed Kitchen (by Laura Schupp)
The Perfect Dad (by Rob Stennett)
Grace Based Discipline (by Karis Kimmel Murray)
Raising Kingdom Kids (by Tony Evans)
The Antelope in the Living Room (by Melanie Shankle)
A Lifelong Love (by Gary Thomas)
Kingdom Marriage (by Tony Evans)
The Marriage Builder (by Larry Crabb)
Love and Respect in the Family (by Emerson Eggerichs)
The Focus on the Family Guide to Talking with Your Kids about Sex (by J.
When Jean and I entered premarital counseling, we were goo-goo-eyed and knew that we were meant for each other. We enjoyed most of the same things and were alike in almost every way.
When we finished our last session a week later, that had all changed. We were both thinking, “Wow, we are nothing alike,” and we were wondering, “Are we going to be okay?”
At some point, every couple begins to recognize their differences. And something strange happens when they do: The whole idea of “two becoming one” gets turned into, “My spouse should become more like me.”
How do couples manage their differences effectively?
Some of the best influence on my boys’ future marriages takes place in our kitchen. That’s where Jean, I, and our sons gather to prepare the evening meal and catch up on our day.
Okay, Jean does most of the cooking, but the rest of us help out where we can. Most importantly, we’re all together. We talk about life. We talk about goals. We talk about success and failure. We laugh a lot. We’re doing more than fixing and eating dinner – we’re immersing our boys in relationship.
One of the most powerful forces God created for humanity exists in the realm of love, sex, and romance. The potential for both pleasure and blessing is virtually immeasurable. So is the potential for destruction.
As a group, Millennials and younger generations don’t tend to believe that. A significant percentage see sex as a purely physical experience. That shouldn’t surprise anyone. From an evolutionary standpoint, there isn’t anything sacred about sex. If there is no God, then sex is strictly biological.
Week ending May 8, 2018
The Marriage Builder (by Larry Crabb)
The Language of Love (by Gary Smalley & John Trent)
A Lifelong Love (by Gary Thomas)
All the Places to Go . . . How Will You Know? (by John Ortberg)
Fully Alive (by Larry Crabb)
Fire Road (by Kim Phuc Thi)
The Focus on the Family Guide to Talking with Your Kids about Sex (by J. Thomas Fitch)
Kingdom Marriage (by Tony Evans)
The Power of Prayer and Fasting (by Ronnie Floyd)
Courage for Life (by Ann White)
Sacred Marriage (by Gary L.
Most couples come into a relationship with a sense of idealism. They’re so much in love and so much alike and so happy.
Over time, though, they discover that they’re really not that much alike – and maybe not so happy, either. That’s when a marriage ends up being all about “me” and “my happiness,” instead of “us” and “our happiness.”
Dr. Larry Crabb says the central problem in marriages like that is “unrecognized self-centeredness.” We ask, “What can my spouse do for me?” rather than “What can I offer my spouse that would make a difference in their life?” Instead of ministering, we manipulate.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
