Daly Focus Blog
Ladies, how do you know when your marriage is romantic enough? Does your husband have to chase you to your gate at the airport? Does he have to throw rocks at your bedroom window and serenade you? How about a long kiss on the beach while waves tumble over you?
Guys, what about you? Do you imagine yourself as the hero, a valiant knight who sweeps your wife off her feet and carries her – literally and figuratively – into the future?
Married couples often think about conflict with each other in black and white terms. Solving problems is all or nothing – meaning every issue, no matter how small or insignificant, is argued over – or they go to the other extreme, no issue ever gets resolved, no matter how destructive it is to the relationship.
There’s a better way. Counselor and author Dr. Randy Schroeder encourages couples to view marital conflict in terms of scratches, cuts, and lacerations:
Scratches are superficial wounds caused by things like misunderstandings or thoughtless words.
“The loneliest place I’ve ever been in my life is not Afghanistan but in my own bed … with my wife’s back turned to me.”
That comment from veteran Chad Robichaux resonates with a lot of military couples who endure demands on their marriages that most civilians don’t understand.
After 9/11, Chad’s special ops unit did eight tours of duty in Afghanistan. Surviving the war-torn Middle East required good training and high levels of intense, adrenaline-fueled emotion.
Some couples get stuck on the way to marriage. A groom named Brandon Valdez got stuck on the way to his wedding – literally – inside a broken elevator!
To honor the tradition of not seeing one another before the ceremony, Brandon and his bride-to-be, Misty, spent the night in separate hotels. In the morning, Brandon and his groomsmen boarded an elevator for the first floor. Somewhere between floors two and three the elevator jolted to a stop.
Airline passenger Becca Kinsey knew she had a problem the moment she stepped into the airport security line. She was a young mother forced to travel alone with her young boys, James and Wyatt, ages five and two. She was doing her best, but things got out of control, and she started to panic.
That’s when another young mom near Becca in line came to her rescue. She picked up one of Becca’s boys and helped Becca navigate through security.
Author Brad Rhoads never anticipated having trouble in his marriage. He and his wife, Marilyn, were so confident in their relationship that they were married within ten months of their first date and left a two-day marriage conference after just 30 minutes because they didn’t believe they needed guidance.
Their marriage faced trouble right away.
Brad blamed Marilyn. And Marilyn blamed Brad. She considered him a workaholic who devoted so much of himself to his law practice that he had nothing left to offer their marriage.
Last week’s vote in the House of Representatives to codify same-sex marriage under federal law in the event the Supreme Court reverses its Obergefell ruling of 2015 and someday sends the definition of marriage back to the states, is an election-year ploy and a political play that ignores what social science says about the multi-millennia institution.
It’s called H.R. 8404, or the “Respect for Marriage Act,” but like many other erroneously and incorrectly worded pieces of legislation (i.e., the “Women’s Health Protection Act”), it actually diminishes, undermines and disrespects the very thing it claims to protect. Its fate in the Senate remains an open question.
Please call the Senate switchboard today and urge your senators to vote NO on H.R.
A lot of couples will want to “lean in” to my conversation with Dr. Juli Slattery on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Rethinking Godly Sexuality in Your Marriage.”
Dr. Slattery is a clinical psychologist and the president of Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for sexuality. She’s written the book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, which will be the basis for our conversation today.
She says that too many married couples are not experiencing the intimacy that God intended for them. For many, sexual problems are a hidden, shameful secret because they don’t know how to navigate their pain and frustration or even communicate about it effectively.
Over the course of a calendar year, nature experiences seasons. From winter to spring to summer and fall, each season presents nature with both challenges and opportunities for growth.
And so it is with marriage.
When winter sets in, a couple’s relationship becomes cold. They don’t communicate well. They argue. They disconnect. But if they endure, winter will give way to spring.
Spring is an exciting time. The couple is forward-thinking, has great plans for the future, and anticipate a happy relationship together.
Howard and Danielle Taylor’s relationship is evidence that a biblical understanding of the purpose for marriage is the foundation for weathering the rough seasons of life … together.
Danielle grew up unchurched, and Howard was raised without a dad. Both adopted unhealthy cycles of relationship they’d learned from their parents. The result was not harmony and intimacy, but arguments, stress, and conflict.
Over time, they learned new patterns of relating and communicating with each other, all rooted in a biblical understanding of marriage.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
