Daly Focus Blog
How big is your marriage’s joy gap?
Dr. Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey, authors of the book The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages, describe a “joy gap” as the length of time between moments of joy. If you apply that unit of measurement to your marriage, how long has it been?
Days?
Weeks?
Months?
The joy gap can be especially lengthy if we’re waiting for our circumstances to change, for our spouse to make us joyful, or for God to zap us with joy.
Not many people know how to pursue marriage with purpose.
For example, when you ask single men and women what they’re looking for in a spouse, many seem unprepared to answer that basic question. The most common responses generally have to do with physical attraction. And that’s not unimportant.
But couples who want a marriage that stands the test of time rise beyond that initial connection point. They keep deeper character traits top of mind, understanding that they’re in a relationship with a whole person, not just a body.
The problem with living at a fast pace is that you never see the cracks in your life starting to form.
Bob and Audrey Meisner discovered that was true after they met and married in Bible college. They were passionate about their faith and wanted to change the world together.
Within a few years, they had three kids, were active in a national ministry, and pastored a thriving church. They attended marriage conferences, read books together, and were well-known in their community.
People get married for a lot of reasons:
Companionship.Money.To feel appreciated.To have the wedding of their dreams.To feel loved.To be served … at least occasionally (of course, no one likes to admit this one).
Notice that all of those ideas have one thing in common: Each is about what my spouse can do for me, for my happiness.
Personal happiness is what the culture teaches us to seek from marriage, after all. Look at the marriage advice that’s out there.
What’s the secret to being a happy wife?
Is it expecting more from your marriage? Expecting less? Does happiness come from working hard? Or from feeling content with what you have?
Author Jen Weaver – and my wife, Jean – say balance is important. They’re both guests on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “The Secret to Being a Happy Wife.”
There’s good and bad to having too-high or too-low expectations.
Jen is a self-admitted “high-expectant wife” who had a lot of ideas about how her marriage could and should operate.
If it’s true that every cloud has a silver lining, is it possible that virus-related disruptions in divorce filings and court proceedings could possibly buy seemingly incompatible couples more time to work out their differences and save their marriages?
I think so.
Since the virulent pathogen began wreaking havoc in mid-March, courts and local municipalities that process divorce have been upended. From canceled hearings to shuttered county courthouses, it’s become a lot more difficult for couples to untangle or sever the proverbial marital knot.
When was
the last time you and your spouse enjoyed a date night? Has it been a while?
I get it.
You’re busy. You’re tired. Once your children came along, your priorities shifted,
your schedule became less flexible, and your budget got a lot tighter. Before
you knew it, time together as a couple flew right out the window.
Finding
time for each other doesn’t get any easier as your children get older. You have
to schedule an evening, hire a babysitter, and find something interesting to
do.
Hopefully,
the silver lining for you around the coronavirus pandemic has been the
opportunity to spend more time together as a couple.
Then
again, maybe being around each other 24/7 has increased your disagreements and created
new topics to argue about.
There’s no
doubt that living in close quarters for a long time can reveal areas of your
marriage that could use some work. But it also creates an opportunity to put Luke
10:27 into practice.
This is a sad story – with a sweet and poignant twist.
As most of us slept peacefully on Tuesday night, Jon Coelho of Danbury, Connecticut, passed away from cardiac arrest, a condition attributed to the coronavirus.
He was just 32 years-old and left behind his wife, Katie, and 2 small children.
There’s a common saying that death always comes like a thief in the night, and never more so than when a younger person unexpectedly meets the end of their earthly life.
Unlike recent NFL Drafts from such famed locales as New York City’s Radio City Music Hall, this year’s “virtual” iteration promises to be a more subdued affair. In the era of the coronavirus, there will be no traditional high fives or hugs – and no real stage with strobe lights and confetti.
Tonight’s annual extravaganza will be coming from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell’s basement – a space usually reserved for family time R&R.
Most analysts are expecting the Cincinnati Bengals to select Joe Burrow, last year’s Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback from Louisiana State University, with the first overall selection.
Except for hardcore fans, there’s usually only moderate interest outside the first or second round – but in thinking about the dynamics and drama surrounding the annual festivities, it’s struck me there’s some applicable marriage lessons to be found in the dynamics of the draft and sport itself.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
