Daly Focus Blog
When you ask couples which areas of life influence their marriage the most, children and finances are usually number one and two on the list. You may be surprised to learn that chores rank third.
How can something as simple as housework fuel conflict in a marriage?
Not long after the wedding, couples become focused on household tasks that matter to one spouse but not the other. The next thing you know they’re locked in a power struggle over who does more and who works harder.
Years ago, author and speaker Dannah Gresh inexplicably struggled with physical pain. Doctors tested for a number of problems, including cancer and lupus, but couldn’t identify the issue.
Her troubles continued until her counselor asked if Bob, her husband, was being faithful to her, suggesting that a woman’s body can sense when their husband is mentally, spiritually, and sexually distant.
When Dannah confronted Bob about her suspicions, he denied that he was struggling with sexual integrity.
When Jean and I first started dating, I was willing to inconvenience myself to show her my interest. I lived in San Diego, and she lived in Orange County. Despite the 90 miles that separated us, I’d often take dinner to her while she was at work.
Fast forward to the early years of our marriage, and I couldn’t be bothered to run an errand for her down the street. Something had changed. I was easily distracted.
Opposites attract. With a little communication, those differences usually can be navigated. But sometimes it’s differences in communication itself that are the problem.
Authors Bill and Pam Farrel offer a simple word picture to illustrate the distinction between how men and women communicate: Men are like waffles; women are like spaghetti.
Ladies are the spaghetti. The noodles run in random directions, and they all seem to touch each other. That’s a visual for the way women easily jump from one subject to another within a conversation.
There’s a saying that every parent should give their children two gifts: roots and wings.
The days and weeks after our children leave home to carve their own path through life may feel uncomfortable for us, but our pain is actually a good sign. It indicates that we have a strong connection with our children and that their absence matters to us.
The challenge is not allowing our sadness to get in the way of our children stepping forward into life.
What does intimacy look like in a thriving marriage?
Pronounce the word “intimacy” a little differently, and the answer becomes clearer. Instead of saying, “intimacy,” say, “Into me, see.”
The idea is that healthy couples “see into” each other’s hearts. They discover each other’s likes and dislikes, put each other’s needs above their own, and seek to better understand each other’s perspectives.
To create intimacy that will sustain your marriage across a lifetime, weave the following three virtues through every part of your relationship:
Always be honest with each other.
“…to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
Couples often recite vows like this at their wedding. But no sooner do they walk the gauntlet of flying rice afterward than the word “cherish” begins to fade from their vocabulary. They don’t mean for it to happen, but the months and years go by, they settle into the daily routine of life, and they wake one day with a marriage that’s missing something deeper and more satisfying.
Sexual intimacy in marriage can be complicated.
Many couples’ physical relationships are centered around one central question: What makes me feel good? Even couples who avoid self-centeredness often feel disappointed with their partner’s shortcomings. There are also physical changes, medical issues, and emotional challenges that interrupt our lives from time to time. As we get older, the realm of sex changes drastically within a marriage relationship.
Which can leave couples with a lot of questions.
We’ve got answers.
Even when life is dark, one moment can change everything.
That was beautifully illustrated in a social media post watched over 30 million times in just a few days. The video captures the moment that a marriage was rescued.
In the video, Caitlin and her soon-to-be ex-husband are celebrating their three-year-old son’s birthday. The little boy’s eyes light up when he sees his cake, covered with candles. Then, Caitlin’s husband looks into her eyes … and his eyes lit up, with love for her.
Satan wants to destroy your marriage.
That’s no scare tactic. Satan hates marriage because a loving, committed couple who use their gifts to serve each other and their community is one of the most powerful forces on Earth. Strong, healthy, god-fearing marriages produce strong, healthy, god-fearing families and communities.
To corrupt marriages, Satan attacks couples through lies that promote unhealthy fairy-tale expectations and destructive relationship myths.
Dr. Greg Smalley and Dr. Bob Paul have seen these lies at work in many couples’ marriages.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
