Daly Focus Blog
One of the keys to a great marriage is thoughtful, intentional communication. The words you use, the way you speak, your body language and how you listen and respond will either build up your relationship or tear it down.
While strong communication is important for both spouses, husbands often need extra help developing this skill. Author Ryan Frederick is joining me on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to help husbands love their wives well through good communication habits.
Darryl Strawberry had it all. Talent. Money. Success. Fame. He had been a power-hitting, eight-time Major League All-Star who earned four World Series championships in 17 seasons with teams like the New York Mets and the New York Yankees. Then his career and his life were derailed by substance abuse and prison time. He lost two marriages, was estranged from his children, and was $3,000,000 in debt.
When Darryl met Tracy – in recovery – she was also in a bad place.
“Mayday! Mayday!”
You recognize that distress call, don’t you? Even children understand what it means. The fact that they do reveals two important ingredients to effective communication. Simplicity and clarity.
The “mayday” distress code was created in 1923 by Frederick Mockford, an airport radio officer in London, after his boss challenged him to devise a distress code that could be understood by pilots and ground staff in an emergency. Because much of the air traffic at the time was between London and Paris, Mockford proposed the expression “mayday.” It was easy to say, and it sounded like the French term for “help me.” “Mayday” communicates so well that it’s still used all over the world.
You don’t have to be married for long to know how tough sleeping together can be. And I don’t mean that kind of “sleeping together.” I mean actual sleep. Getting some shut-eye.
Who can sleep with all of that loud snoring, blanket stealing, tossing and turning, and bad breath? And don’t forget the inevitable tug-of-war between early-birds and night-owls. It’s no wonder so many of us are tired and cranky. Even the Center for Disease Control and Prevention says a large segment of the population suffers from a lack of sleep. In fact, they call it a “public health problem.”
With so many complications, why should married couples sleep in the same bed?
What “season” is it for your marriage? Is it summer because things between you and your spouse are sizzling? Or is it winter because things feel a bit chilly?
Like many couples, when Jean and I first got married, we enjoyed being together every chance we could. In those early years, it was easy for us to think, “We’ll always feel this way.”
However, we soon discovered that relationships are like the weather – they change.
There’s an old saying that “laughter is good for the soul.” It’s good for the soul of your marriage as well.
My wife Jean and I have certainly discovered that to be true. Some of our greatest memories involve laughing together. A few times, we’ve laughed so hard for so long that we forgot why we started laughing in the first place. We were laughing at each other’s laughing.
One thing that’s obvious after laughing yourself to tears with someone is how connected you feel afterward.
The wear and tear of everyday life takes a toll on a marriage. On any given day you may face challenges in:
your faith
your church
extended family relationships
recreational opportunities
sexual intimacy
friendships
household responsibilities
finances
hectic schedules
a never-ending stream of parenting decisions
fill in the ___
Whew! Is it any wonder most marriages could use some maintenance?
The question is how do you fill your marriage with good things without it all becoming just more things to juggle?
Ron and Opal Erickson call themselves “musicianaires.” Ron is an accomplished steel guitarist, and Opal is an accomplished vocalist. They’ve made beautiful music together for over 40 years, not only as musicians but as a couple.
They’ve also walked through the rubble of a marriage that seemed irreparably broken. Through God’s grace and wisdom, they survived adultery, rejection, and betrayal and created a new marriage forged in trust, love, and grace.
God has done such a remarkable work in their marriage that I wanted to share their story on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Restoring Hope to Your Marriage.”
Opal shares how she stayed true to God in the wake of Ron’s affair, and how He taught her to love her husband in a new way.
As the president of an organization called Focus on the Family, you might expect me to say something like, “Never argue with your spouse.” The truth is I believe that even the most healthy, well-rounded couples need to hash things out from time to time. The key is to disagree in ways that move your relationship forward.
To do that, first recognize that avoiding conflict doesn’t strengthen your marriage – it weakens it. That sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Unresolved conflict doesn’t magically disappear. It festers beneath the surface, deepening resentment and eroding emotional intimacy.
Do you and your spouse have a “shared vision” for your marriage?
Many couples don’t. Some are so focused on their responsibilities at work, at church, and around the house that they focus on their marriage only when there’s a problem to solve. Others expect marriage to improve naturally on its own, a straight line moving upward.
Neither approach is effective.
For more than two decades, Sean and Lanette Reed have been helping couples build strong marriages.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
