Two Ingredients of Successful Marriages

“It’s just like an American to think you invented the family.”

That’s what Dr. Lilian Wahomey, a psychologist in Kenya, jokingly said to me years ago. We were exploring ways Focus on the Family could come alongside families in Africa. Since that conversation, I’ve been to more than 70 countries, but at the time I hadn’t done much international travel, so I wondered if the needs of American couples differed from couples around the world.

So I asked Dr. Wahomey, “Do you think what Focus on the Family believes makes marriage work will be relevant in Africa?” Her answer changed a lot of my assumptions. She said that couples around the world all need essentially the same things from their marriages.

Dr. Wahomey’s comments to me almost 25 years ago were confirmed in a University of Washington study where researchers concluded that nearly all successful marriages exhibit two essential ingredients: love and respect. When those are present, a marriage can thrive, even if things like money and jobs are in short supply.

Most wives want to feel deeply loved by their husbands. As Dr. Emerson Eggerich put it, “Wives want love from their husbands like they want air to breathe.” And husbands have an equally important need from their wives: respect.

Despite differences in culture, language, and socio-economic status, all marriages have very similar wiring. From around the world to your home, love and respect are the two ingredients for your marriage to thrive.