Forgiveness Isn't Fair

Do you remember all those times when your parents told you to “play fair”? Well, what if I told you – when it comes to marriage – don’t?

“Playing fair” is one of the worst things you can do to a relationship. It’s a big reason so many couples struggle to forgive their spouse when they make a mistake. “Fair” is all about keeping things even between two people – which sounds good in theory but doesn’t work so well in practice. “Playing fair” means, “If you treat me correctly, I’ll treat you correctly. But if you cross me, I’ll hurt you right back.” An eye for an eye.

The best thing a couple can do is forgive. Forgiveness offers your spouse what they need instead of what they deserve. It meets their mistakes with grace instead of judgment. Forgiveness is how you heal your relationship and empower each other to grow stronger and more loving.

Forgiveness is hard because forgiveness isn’t fair. It requires us to give up our desire to hurt someone who has hurt us. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing wrongs against us or watering down the awful nature of an offense. Instead, forgiveness sets us free from our hurt and allows us to move through life in peace.

No, forgiveness isn’t fair. And it’s not always easy, either. But it can transform your marriage.