The best way to build a happy marriage is to do what happy couples do. And what’s the number one thing happy couples do? According to research, they trust in each other’s love.
That means happy couples trust that their spouse means well even when they communicate poorly or make a mistake: they didn’t do something thoughtful when they had the chance. Or they didn’t mention an online purchase they made. Or they worked late and didn’t call to let you know. Happy couples look past those disappointing behaviors and consider the intent behind them. They trust that their spouse means well even if they don’t always perfectly show it.
Take the “staying-late-at-work-without-calling” scenario, for example. Unhealthy couples make negative assumptions, like, “He’s having an affair. Or, “He didn’t call because he doesn’t care about me.” Healthy couples make positive assumptions, like, “He must have gotten corralled into an unexpected meeting.”
If your spouse’s behavior is truly untrustworthy, then I encourage you to confront those problems, with professional counsel if necessary. But if your spouse is just normal good guy or gal, offer them the benefit of the doubt and assume the best about them.
Happy couples trust that their spouse means well even if they don’t always perfectly show it.