Are you worried your spouse isn’t your soul mate?
Well, let me encourage you with this: soul mates aren’t found, they’re formed over time.
Juana Mikels and her husband, Terry, are proof of that. College sweethearts, they walked down the aisle believing the planets had surely aligned in order for them to find each other. But just two years into their marriage, the planets had all but fallen out of their orbits.
Juana was convinced she had married the wrong person.
If he was her soul mate, she reasoned, wouldn’t they think the same and have the same interests? She felt Terry didn’t understand her at all, so he must have been the wrong man for her.
That’s when Juana wrote a note wishing Terry well and walked away from her marriage.
As the months began to unfold, Juana discovered what all newlyweds do – that getting to know the depths of someone’s heart takes years. The Hollywood-fueled notion of the “soul mate” – the idea that there’s one person out there just for you – is a myth. It may pull at your heart strings in a movie, but it doesn’t work in real life.
Marriage is all about coming to terms with the imperfect person you’re living with and acknowledging that you’re not a perfect person, either. Selflessness and a commitment to love your spouse through the good and the ugly is the only way you can create the sort of intimacy exclusive to a healthy marriage.
That’s how God designed relationship. None of us stands at a wedding altar with the “right” one. We all marry a stranger. We may be genuinely in love with what little we know about our spouses, but we don’t know them. Not really.
Marriage is a journey through life between a man and woman, both of whom continually grow and change across their years together. As one author said, “When people get married, they tend to believe they’ve found a finished statue, when in reality, they’ve merely found the block of marble from which their spouse will emerge.”
That’s why soul mates aren’t found, they’re formed over time through sacrifice and enduring love.
Maybe Juana’s struggles sound like yours, or your marriage is drowning in waters so deep and dark you’ve lost hope of ever finding a way out. I believe you’ll find new encouragement for your marriage when you join us for “Giving Your Marriage a Second Chance” and hear Juana’s story about brokenness and reconciliation.
If you feel you need someone to talk to about your marriage, we have caring Christian counselors on staff, who would be happy to have an initial consultation with you. Give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459). (If all of our counselors are on other calls, leave your name and number, and they’ll get back with you just as soon as possible.)