Marriages everywhere are at risk because of one of the most powerful drugs known to man: infatuation.
Maybe you don’t think of infatuation as a drug. But pastor and marriage expert Dave Carder, who has spent the past 30 years studying the causes of infidelity, says infatuation is as powerful as any substance out there.
Do you think that’s overstated?
Consider this: if you’ve ever known someone who walked away from their family for an affair, you probably asked yourself, “What were they thinking?” And that’s the point. They weren’t thinking.
People consumed by infatuation do crazy things. They behave as if they’re literally under the influence of a mind-altering substance. And to Dave Carder’s point, they are. Infatuated people are drunk with emotion. They don’t make rational decisions or care how their choices impact everyone else.
Infatuation is especially dangerous because it evolves from everyday relationships. Most people don’t wake up and decide, “I think I’ll ruin my marriage today.” Affairs usually come about slowly, without people realizing they’re drifting into dangerous emotional territory.
Associating with co-workers, neighbors, and family friends is appropriate in the typical sense. But when two married people are together day after day, infatuation is a real possibility. It can develop before anyone realizes it’s happening.
That’s why, to protect yourself, you have to stay on your toes. Keep on the lookout for danger signs that your emotions are drifting. Here are just three examples:
- You may find yourself saving topics of conversation for somebody other than your spouse because, in your mind, they understand you better.
- You might be sharing intimate details about your marriage with that person.
- If you look forward to seeing the other person more than your spouse, your feelings have definitely gone too far.
These indicators are often subtle, but they’re important. So much so, that Dave Carder offers this stern warning: you cannot resist infatuation once it’s taken hold! When your marriage goes through a dry spell, you can easily become infatuated with someone else. You may lose all sense of reason – and once that happens, almost nothing will prevent you from having an affair.
That’s why it’s important to keep an eye on your relationships and your emotions in check. Those preventive steps just might help you avoid making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.
Dave Carder is our guest on today’s and tomorrow’s broadcasts, “Friendship or Flirtation?: Danger Signs for Couples.” We’re featuring a recording from Dave where he shares his insights with grace and a sense of humor. I hope you’ll tune in to your local radio station or listen via our free smartphone app. It just might save your marriage and your family.