Choices Not Fate

Is it up to fate whether or not men become a good father?

My dad was a poor role model. He was an alcoholic and in his drunken stupors he would threaten my mother and scare me to death. He walked out on our family when I was five then floated in and out of my life for years. He was never a positive influence and didn’t model for me what good fathering looked like. Mostly, he broke his promises and disappointed me again and again. I used to worry that I was destined to follow in his footsteps as a parent to my two boys.

According to research, most of us parent the way we were parented. According to my faith and personal experience, we can break those chains of dysfunction.

Learning to be a good dad hasn’t always been easy for me, and it may be tough for you, too, if you didn’t have a father who was invested in your life growing up. The most important lesson I’ve learned is that being a good man and a loving father isn’t about fate, it’s about choices.

I was always tempted to parent out of the void my dad left behind, but I did my best to turn those negatives into positives. I connected with my boys in many ways where my own father dropped the ball. I showed my kids unconditional love and assured them that I’d never leave them no matter what. My boys are now grown, and we have a wonderful relationship with each other.

If you’re striving to be a different father than you had growing up, remember that new choices aren’t always easy, but they are possible. Your kids are counting on you to make it so.

If you’d like some help making new parenting choices, speak with one of our counselors who will listen, pray with you, and get you on a path toward healing and hope. They’ll also direct you to additional resources in your area if necessary. Call us, leave your name and number, and we’ll get back with you as soon as possible. The number during business hours is 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).