Coaching Boys to Develop Healthy Respect for Girls

Culture confuses young men about how to treat women – like, when does romance step over the line into something inappropriate?

Let me offer an example of one man’s behavior, and you decide whether or not it was acceptable.This man was interested in a female co-worker who had been giving him the cold shoulder for months. One day, when she was alone, he snuck up behind her, took hold of her hand, and caressed it without her permission. The woman told him to stop and backed away, but he refused to let go. Then, despite her protests, he backed her against the wall, leaned in, and kissed her.

What do you think? Was the man guilty of harassment?

Before you answer, there’s one last detail to consider: The interaction I described was a popular romantic scene between Han Solo and Princess Leia in The Empire Strikes Back.

My guess is that you reacted negatively … right up until that last part – which gives you an idea of the confusing messaging confronting young men. At best, the culture is inconsistent about how men should interact with women, which results in blurred boundaries.

Since our culture is so confused, it’s up to us as parents to give our boys consistent messaging, and raise them to believe that women have the power to define their own boundaries and men have the strength and the moral obligation to abide.

Authors, speakers, and relationship coaches Dave and Ashley Willis joined me on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to discuss how to raise sons who honor and protect others. With that foundation, our boys will grow up to bless their marriages, friendships, workplaces, and communities by reflecting God’s heart of humility and respect.

There is only one clear and consistent role model for boys to learn how to respect women: Jesus Christ. The Gospels are a roadmap for respecting women. From the very beginning, women were given a voice and a place of honor with Jesus, like the woman at the well in John 4, raising Jairus’s daughter in Luke 8, healing Peter’s mother-in-law in Matthew 8, and others.

Dave and Ashley and I talked at length about practical ways to teach boys what it looks like to respect and value girls, including:

• The danger of “locker room mentality.”

• Seven areas where modern men most often miss the mark.

• Seven lessons that turn a boy into a man.

• Breakdown of age appropriate conversations to have with your son.

Hear our full conversation on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts, or on our free phone app.

Before you go, I’d like to extend an invitation for you to become a special partner with us through our monthly “Friends of Focus on the Family” program. When you do, I’ll send you a copy of Dave’s book Raising Boys Who Respect Girls: Upending Locker Room Mentality, Blind Spots, and Unintended Sexism as a way of saying thank you for touching others with the love of Christ. You’ll also receive member-exclusive benefits. To make your pledge, or for more information, click here or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).