Finding Your New Normal in Relating to Your Adult Children

It’s a bittersweet moment when children become old enough to move out. Not only do they no longer live at home, but their relationship with their parents changes forever.

For most of us, parenting is more than a responsibility, it’s an identity. Which is why it feels like a part of us goes with our child when they leave home. Some moms and dads cope with that sense of emptiness by continuing to actively parent their child, in some cases for years afterward.

However, that mindset ignores a crucial truth: for a teenager to successfully transition into adulthood, the parent-to-child dynamic must shift to an adult-to-adult one.

This transition can be so difficult I’ve invited Dr. Kathy Koch to join me on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly for a conversation about finding the right balance between love and autonomy with your children as they emerge into adulthood.

She offers practical advice that will help you:

• Define a new relationship with your adult child.

• Understand how your communication will and must change.

• Set boundaries for visiting your adult child.

• Improve your relationship by starting with yourself.

• Adjust your relationship when your child gets married.

• Connect with your grandchildren.

• Avoid common stressors.

• Reach out to a prodigal.

At its heart, parenting is about raising children to be independent adults. In their early years, children need help with the simplest of tasks, like eating or tying their shoes. By the time they leave home, they ought to be capable of setting appropriate boundaries and managing their own lives.

This doesn’t mean that you should disconnect from your child altogether, but your role should shift from a position of authority to one of quiet influence. It’s okay to offer advice if it’s requested, but your child wants – and needs – the freedom to make their own decisions. And, yes, mistakes. We’ll help you understand how to achieve the proper balance.

Dr. Kathy Koch is an author, researcher, and the founder of Celebrate Kids, a ministry dedicated to equipping parents, caregivers, and others to help children feel seen and heard. Hear my full conversation with Dr. Koch on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts, or on our free phone app.

Her book Resolve Conflict and Find Peace and Hope with Adult Children: Strategies and Conversations That Work is available for a gift of any amount. Click here for more information or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).