Is your marriage enjoying the warmth of summer? Or is it suffering the chill of winter?
Like nature, every marriage goes through seasons. Depending on which season you’re in, you and your spouse will feel more or less connected, more or less in love, or more or less happy.
When Jean and I first started dating, we enjoyed being together and daydreamed about seeing each other when we were apart. At the time, I lived in San Diego, and she lived in Orange County, and I was willing to inconvenience myself to show my interest. Without giving it a second thought, I’d drive 90 miles to bring her dinner while she was at work. In those days, it was easy to think, “We’ll always feel this way!”
Fast forward to the early years of our marriage, and something had changed: I couldn’t be bothered to run an errand for her down the street, and I was easily distracted by work.
It happens to all of us. Sooner or later, the honeymoon fades, and the daily grind of life cools the heat in our marriage. The question is, “What do we do about it?”
Author Debra Fileta is joining me on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to help you better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.
• Spring is a time of excitement. The relationship feels new and fresh, even if you and your spouse have been together for years. It’s a time of growth and new life for your relationship.
• Summer is when things heat up. You and your spouse communicate well and feel closely connected emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
• After summer, comes fall, which is a season of truth. Like leaves that change from green to yellow, fall is when you and your spouse come face to face with hard realities – about life, about your career, or about each other.
• That’s often when winter sets in. Warm feelings grow cold, and conflict chills the air. It’s a time of testing for your relationship with just one question to be answered: What must we do to battle through the harsh conditions and rediscover spring and summer again?
Unlike the weather, the seasons of marriage don’t follow predictable patterns. They come and goand often last for weeks, months, even years. Couples who understand the season they’re in can turn problems into opportunities for growth. They can work hard, jump ahead to spring as quickly as possible, and once again enjoy a relationship that feels new and exciting.
If your marriage isn’t what it used to be, fall back in love by treating your spouse with the same kind of dedication you did when you were first dating. Give them your attention, listen, and make them a priority in your life once again. Restore the passion you once had when your relationship was new, and your feelings of love will grow.
To find out how, hear my full conversation with Debra Fileta on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts, or on our free phone app.
Debra’s book Relationship Skills: The Four Seasons That Will Make or Break Your Love Life is available for a gift of any amount. For more information, click here or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).
While you’re online, why not take a few moments to try our free Marriage Assessment online tool? It will help you quickly determine what’s working well in your relationship and identify areas where you may need some improvement.
If your marriage is struggling and would like to speak with a counselor, call Focus on the Family for a free consultation. Leave your name and number, and they’ll get back with you as soon as possible. The number during business hours is 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).
If you’re on the brink of divorce, our Hope Restored marriage intensives can go a long way toward facilitating healing between you and your spouse and restoring your relationship. The number for Hope Restored is 1-866-875-2915, or click here. The intensives take place in four locations:
• Branson, MO
• Greenville, MI
• Cave Creek, AZ
• Wimberley, TX
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