Proven Strategies for Establishing Healthy Boundaries with Your Kids

If you’re a parent, you’re surely familiar with the word “no” – and for good reason. Children love to test the limits.

When our boys, Trent and Troy, were young, they were determined to go faster, higher, and farther. If one dessert was good, two was better. Instead of watching one movie, they’d want a double feature. If their bedtime was 9 o’clock, they’d push for 10.

Since children can’t resist climbing trees or splashing in mud puddles in their new shoes, the word “no” is a vital tool. But wise parents also look for opportunities to say “yes” to their children whenever possible. The word “yes” gives children confidence to stretch beyond themselves and to reach for dreams that seem too big to achieve. “Yes” allows children to fail – and to try again when they do.

The trick is to know when to say “yes” and when to say “no.”

Joining me on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to explain how to develop that discernment is best-selling author Dr. John Townsend, who defines a boundary as a “property line” that defines where one person ends and someone else begins. Boundaries grow character and transform children into loving, respectful, responsible, and honest adults.

Far from limiting a child’s development, good boundaries help kids become everything they can be. Years ago, researchers observed the impact of fencing on school children at recess. With a boundary in place, the kids scattered throughout the playground, all the way to the fence that bordered the area. But when the fencing was removed, the kids no longer utilized the space.They gravitated toward the center, and their playtime became much less expressive and animated.

In our conversation, Dr. Townsend explains why healthy boundaries provide kids with safety and security, which in turn allows them to emotionally develop and for their creativity to flourish. He shares:

• Why kids need boundaries.

• How to teach children to accept consequences.

• How to teach children personal responsibility.

• The concept of gentle parenting and proactive boundaries.

• How to teach children to respect the boundaries of others.

• How kids develop their internal compass.

• Why pain is needed for growth.

Hear our full discussion on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts, or on our free phone app.

Before you go, I’d like to extend an invitation for you to become a special partner with us through our monthly “Friends of Focus on the Family” program. When you do, I’ll send you a copy of Dr. Townsend’s book Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children as a way of saying thank you for touching others with the love of Christ. You’ll also receive member-exclusive benefits. To make your pledge, or for more information, click here or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).