For a stronger marriage, ask yourself, “What’s my EQ?”
While your IQ is a measure of your intelligence, your EQ is a measure of your “emotional intelligence.”
That term was coined in 1995 by Daniel Goleman, who first applied the concept to businessmen and women. As he defined it, emotional intelligence is the degree to which you are able to make healthy relational choices based on your understanding of your emotions and those around you. The concept eventually spilled outside of the business world into other arenas.
A great take on the EQ concept within marriage comes from Drs. Dave and Jan Stoop. Before Dave died earlier this year, he and Jan were married for 63 years and lead marriage seminars and retreats. They wrote a book together called The Emotionally Healthy Marriage: Growing Closer by Understanding Each Other.
Dave and Jan offer the acronym SMART for five facets of emotional intelligence in marriage:
- S – Self-awareness of what I feel
- M – Managing my emotions
- A – Accountability to my spouse and to other couples
- R – Reading my spouse’s emotions (A.K.A. – Empathy)
- T – Together in the land of emotion
We’re re-airing a conversation we had with Dave and Jan on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Understanding Your Spouse’s Emotions.” From newlyweds to those who have celebrated their diamond anniversary, the Stoops can help couples improve their EQ and deepen their love for each other.
Tune in on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or take us with you on our free phone app.
The late Dr. Dave Stoop was the founder and director of the Center for Family Therapy. Dr. Jan Stoop is also a counselor. The Emotionally Healthy Marriage: Growing Closer by Understanding Each Other is available for a gift of any amount. Visit our website or give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).
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Rita says
-hello,
I appreciate the many family programs. Often these can also be applied to other relationships, with some adjustment.
Is there a chart, “quiz”, or other provision for use of determining one’s EQ?
Just wondered. thanks.
RW
Jess1FOTF says
Thank you for reaching out to us, Rita. We appreciate your interest and kind words about our programs here at Focus. Unfortunately, we do not have a general EQ test or a general assessment; however, we can recommend the SMART Love Assessment which may help people measure their level of emotional intelligence and how that may be affecting their marriage. We hope this helps. Thanks again for your contact. Blessings!