Are you a clam or a crowbar?
That’s an analogy Dr. David Clarke uses to help husbands and wives understand how their poor communication skills have landed them in his counseling office.
In almost every marriage, there’s a clam. The percentages suggest it’s usually men, but it can be women, too.
In either case, clams are the ones who don’t naturally talk on an emotionally deep level. They clam up. But every time they do, their spouses break out a crowbar to pry them open.
He clams up, so she tries to pry him open, so he hides and clams up even more, so she just gets a bigger crowbar.
It’s a chicken-or-egg scenario that accomplishes nothing except to send couples spinning into a terrible cycle that will only grow worse until they develop better ways of communicating.
Dr. Clarke will be our guest on today’s and tomorrow’s radio program, “Establishing Good Communication in Your Marriage.”
Dr. David Clarke has been counseling families for almost 30 years and brings great energy and humor to what can be a difficult relationship dynamic for many couples. He’s the author of “Honey, We Need to Talk,” and his insights can help your relationship if you’re having a tough time.