Daly Focus Blog
Marriage is changing.
There are a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which are cultural forces, political maneuverings, and judicial rulings that have systematically redefined marriage in past years.
There’s also been a shift in the average age for first marriages. More and more young people are staying single for far longer than past generations. Some are choosing not to marry at all, in many cases as a reaction to seeing their own parents divorce.
Do you find it difficult to sit through church without touching your phone?
Does technology tend to decrease your productivity?
Do you often check your phone for calls, emails, or texts?
If you answer yes to questions like these, you may be nomophobic – you have a fear of being without your mobile phone.
Researchers at the University of Washington and the University of Michigan studied families with children between the ages of 10 and 17.
Deborah Pegues is the author of the book 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue. The idea for the book came to her after she didn’t control her tongue with a friend.
She thought she was helping when she told somebody else something she wasn’t supposed to tell. Her attempt to help backfired, and she discovered firsthand what happens when we don’t use our words wisely.
That’s when Deborah decided to go on a “tongue fast.” For 30 days, she refused to speak negatively about anything – not the traffic, not the weather, nothing that she couldn’t directly positively influence.
Lucille Williams was washing vomit out of her clothes when she thought, “This is marriage.”
She was on her honeymoon with her husband, Mike. It was the last night of their cruise, and they were enjoying a final dinner with friends they’d made that week. Suddenly, an unexpected bout of sea sickness hit Mike, and he began vomiting uncontrollably. Their dinner guests scrambled to get out of the way, but it was too late for Lucille.
Are you an avoider?
A pleaser?
How about a chaotic or a vacillator?
Those are four of the five the love styles you and your spouse likely see in your marriage. Their various combinations describe the core patterns driving a couple’s interactions and the problems they cause.
Avoiders and pleasers don’t experience much conflict, but for all the wrong reasons. Avoiders don’t like to have honest conversations because they get messy, and pleasers worry their spouse will get mad.
Do you ever waste time with your spouse?
That may seem like an odd question. But your answer will get to the heart of what your relationship with your spouse is all about.
You see, some couples don’t do too well with “wasting” time with one another. Simply being together with no particular agenda and nothing to focus their attention on except their spouse is uncomfortable.
In other words, they have a hard time with intimacy.
The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year. But it can also be one of the most stressful.
Spending time with family during Thanksgiving and Christmas sounds enjoyable in July and August. But once November and December arrive, you realize how much needs to get done, and you remember what’s it like to be in a house filled with people who have different interests, different traditions, even differing political and spiritual viewpoints.
Two days after Jocelyn Green and her husband married, the military relocated them from Washington, D.C. to Alaska. A few weeks later – on their one-month anniversary, in fact – her husband kissed her goodbye and left for deployment.
Military couples can relate to the uncertainty and stress deployment causes. They can also identify with the challenges the Greens faced once they reunited. Jocelyn and her husband expected their reunion to feel like a second honeymoon.
According to some reports, Americans spent $72 billion on wedding ceremonies last year. That puts the average cost in the neighborhood of $30,000 per ceremony.
By contrast, most married couples will never invest a fraction of that amount into the marriage itself.
A successful marriage isn’t the by-product of an extravagant ceremony or an expensive honeymoon. If that were the case, celebrities would routinely set the standard for strong, healthy marriages.
A happy, fulfilling marriage isn’t about the big day, it’s about the every day.
When you first got married, did you assume your relationship with your spouse would remain pretty much the same from year to year? Many couples do. That’s probably why so many wind up shocked and utterly confused when life around them changes … and their marriage along with it.
According to our guests on today’s program, relationship experts Bill and Pam Farrel, the key is to recognize that changes are coming – probably sooner than we think – and to prepare for them.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
