According to Dr. Kevin Leman’s The Birth Order Book, a common but often overlooked reason many couples don’t see eye to eye is birth order. That little boy or girl that you once were, you still are.
Your birth order creates a dynamic relationship between you and your parents, and between you and your siblings. Your birth order influences how you see relationships and, therefore, your marriage.
For example, Dr. Leman says firstborns are typically:
• Reliable and conscientious.
• Leaders.
• Organized.
• Thoughtful.
• Have a strong need for approval from those in charge.
Middle children:
• Often feel overshadowed.
• Are usually less driven than their older siblings.
• Are good listeners, good negotiators, and good peacemakers.
The youngest:
• Seek attention.
• Like to be cared for.
• Are more willing to live out their unique personality and embrace their position in the family.
As we get older, we think we change and leave these unique characteristics behind, but we carry them with us into our adult relationships, particularly marriage.
Jean and I have read The Birth Order Book a couple of times. Dr. Leman’s ideas are not one-size-fits-all, but they are amazingly accurate. I’m talking with Dr. Kevin Leman on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to help you and your spouse better navigate the relationship dynamics produced by your birth order.
Listen to our full conversation on your local radio station, online, Apple Podcasts, or listen on our free phone app.
Before I close, I’d like to extend an invitation for you to become a special partner with us through our monthly “Friends of Focus on the Family” program. When you do, I’ll send you a copy of Dr. Leman’s book The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are as a way of saying thank you for touching others with the love of Christ. You’ll also receive member-exclusive benefits like free shipping and free resources. To make your pledge, or for more information, click here or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).
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