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How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Your Marriage

It’s wise to think about your relationships in terms of boundaries. Kathy and Tom didn’t, and it got their marriage off to a rocky start.

Kathy, an introvert, blamed Tom, an extrovert, for smothering her. He placed such an emphasis on spending time together that Kathy often felt like she had no personal space or time for herself. Tom, in turn, interpreted Kathy’s desire for space as a lack of love for him, leaving him feeling hurt and disconnected.

How did they sort through it all? Boundaries.

A relational boundary is a line that separates things and defines who “owns” what, like feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. If there is a problem with one of those, the problem belongs to whoever owns that feeling, attitude, or behavior. A husband and wife are free to make their own choices, but they must also take responsibility for them.

When boundaries break down, a marriage breaks down as well. But good boundaries make good marriages.

To help you create healthy boundaries and a marriage that thrives, I’ve invited psychologist and New York Times bestselling author, Dr. John Townsend, to be my guest on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

Healthy boundaries are not about fixing, changing, or punishing our mate. They’re about taking ownership of our own lives. To have true, biblical oneness with our spouse, we must become a complete individual ourselves.

Hear my full conversation with Dr. John Townsend on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts, or take us with you on our free phone app.

If you’d like to talk to someone about boundaries in your marriage, I invite you to speak with one of our caring, Christian counselors who will listen, pray with you, and get you on a path toward healing and hope. They’ll also direct you to additional resources in your area if necessary. Call us, leave your name and number, and we’ll get back with you as soon as possible. The number during business hours is 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

If boundaries have broken down so severely that you’re on the brink of divorce, our Hope Restored marriage intensives can go a long way toward facilitating healing between you and your spouse and restoring your relationship. The number for Hope Restored is 1-866-875-2915, or click here. The intensives take place in five locations:

  • Branson, Missouri
  • Greenville, Michigan
  • The WinShape Retreat Center in Rome, Georgia
  • Cave Creek, Arizona
  • Wimberley, Texas

Dr. John Townsend’s book (co-written with Dr. Henry Cloud) Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships is available to you for a gift of any amount. Click here for more information or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

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Topics: Family and Home Tags: faith, family October 21, 2025 by Jim Daly with Paul Batura

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Jim-Daly President of Focus on the Family
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Daly Focus

Jim-Daly Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.

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