Inner Qualities of a Mate

If you’re dating, I’d like to share a few important qualities to look for in a mate. Whatever else you may hope to find in a person, these three qualities are a must if you want a marriage that lasts a lifetime.

First, you want a person who respects boundaries. When you ask them not to call late at night, do they honor that request, or do they call anyway? Do they act possessive when you spend time with other people, like family and friends? A person who respects proper boundaries now will respect proper boundaries once they’re married.

The second attribute of a healthy mate is someone who considers you an equal. They won’t belittle you or talk down to you like a child. They understand the difference between controlling others and controlling themselves.

A third quality to look for is a willingness to forgive, instead of condemn, in the wake of conflict. Every couple disagrees. And every marriage is subject to mistakes. Safe people are humble enough to admit their own faults, yet strong enough to forgive others.

When you’re dating, the first thing you notice are external characteristics, like attractiveness, personality, and a sense of humor. Pay attention to a person’s inner characteristics as well. For a marriage that lasts a lifetime, seek someone who respects boundaries, who controls themselves instead of you, and who lives with a spirit of forgiveness.