Nice? Or Kind?

When I talk to people who believe differently than I do, I often ask myself, “Am I being kind? Or am I just being nice?” There is a difference.

Nice is usually a thin veneer of kindness with nothing of substance underneath. Nice is how you act toward the barista who gets your coffee order right. Or the person waiting patiently next to you in line. Or a family member with whom you’re on good terms. Nice is polite. It’s easy to treat someone well when they’re nice to you, or when you share a lot of common ground.

Kindness requires something deeper. It’s a lot more difficult to interact with someone when you don’t see eye to eye. Kindness engages others in civil dialogue even though they hold different religious beliefs, social values, or political viewpoints. Kindness is more than being polite. It empowers you to get beyond the emotion of a difficult issue and to value others as fellow human beings.

When your attitude flows from genuine kindness, you’ll hold to your convictions, yet season your words with grace. You’ll have conversation instead of debate. And all the while, you’ll treat other people as equals. As my friend Dr. Barry Corey says, “Kindness is living with a firm center and soft edges.”

Our society needs more than nice. We need kindness. Only with kindness can we have deeper understanding with each other and a truly civil society.