Parenting 101: Learning Your Child’s “Language”

Is your child a rosebush?

A palm tree?

A pine?

How about a boxwood?

God wires our children with unique personality types. The nuances can be quite diverse, but they’re also finite to the point where a model of four personality types can explain them.

There’s power in personality.  It’s a window into a child’s soul that parents can look through to see their hearts and to know how to lead them forward through life.

Hettie Britz is an author, a speaker, and one of the foremost voices in parenting advice from a biblical perspective in South Africa. She’s written a helpful book for parents titled Growing Kids with Character. In it, she describes the four basic personality types of children, and how knowing them can help you better nurture, communicate, and discipline your child according to their personality.

• The palm tree. Think “beach party.” The palm tree is the happy, jovial child – the life of the party. They’re talkative and high-energy. They have places to go and people to see.
• The rosebush just wants to be left alone. They kick and scream to prove they’re already grown up. They’ll push the boundaries. They’re wired to be a Paul one day – to have a vision and a message and to push forward into trouble to see them expressed.
• The boxwood is a decorative topiary tree. Its leaves can be pruned to any shape and its wood used to carve chess pieces and quality musical instruments. These kids become doctors, nurses, engineers, accountants, teachers.
• The pine tree is people-focused, but happy to be alone as well. They don’t need to be the center of attention, but they like to be included even if it’s from the sidelines. They love having people around them, but they don’t necessarily speak a lot.

Recognizing how our children are wired is key to effective communication with them. When we understand their “language,” conflict will decrease because we’ll better understand what they need from us.

That takes growth on the part of the parent, too. Hettie says we don’t have the right to shape our kids unless we are willing to be shaped by God. He deals with our pride through parenting. It’s part of our sanctification journey. And the more different our kids are to us, the more intense the sanctification.

First Corinthians 12:4-6 says, “Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.”

Hettie Britz is our guest on “Nurturing Your Child’s Personality,” available on your local radio station, online, on iTunes, via Podcast, or on our free phone app. She’ll explain how God has uniquely designed your child and will offer practical advice you can put to use today.

If you have benefited from our broadcast, please let us know through your prayerful and financial support. Today, when you make a donation of any amount, we’ll send you a copy of Hettie’s book, Growing Kids with Character: Nurturing Your Child’s Potential, Purpose, and Passion as our way of saying thanks for your partnership. Check our website for details.

Together, we’re helping thousands of families every year. It’s through your support that Focus on the Family can buy radio time for our daily broadcast, and create the tools and resources that strengthened almost a million marriages and families last year.

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Topics: Family and Home Tags: broadcast, family, kids, parenting June 28, 2018 by Jim Daly with Paul Batura