The tingles can get you married. They can also get you divorced.
Dr. Gary Chapman hears a lot about “the tingles.” It begins when couples come to him for premarital counseling, and he asks, “Why do you want to get married?”
However else they answer, one reason they always include is: “We love each other.”
To that, Dr. Chapman asks, “What do you mean, ‘We love each other’?”
After exchanging awkward looks, the couple will usually say something that equates to “the tingles” to which Dr. Chapman refers – that emotional flutter people feel because they’re attracted to each other.
“The tingles” play an important role in a relationship. They motivate people to pursue a deeper connection with someone else. They turn a simple hello into a lunch date, then into dinner together. Before long, the couple is inseparable and decide they want to get married.
There’s only one problem: the tingles fade. It’s science. Long-term studies show that the average life span of intense feelings in a relationship is two years.
That’s usually about the time Dr. Chapman hears about the tingles again – this time from couples who come to him on the verge of divorce. Not only have their feelings for their spouse diminished in intensity, but they open themselves up to those same feelings with someone else.
Associating with co-workers, neighbors, and family friends of the opposite sex is appropriate in many day-to-day circumstances. But when two people who aren’t married to each other are together day after day, an unhealthy infatuation can easily develop.
Dr. Chapman warns that anyonehas the potential for feeling the tingles for someone other than their spouse. Anyone we meet can give us the tingles because of the way they look, the way they talk, or the way they interact with us. It’s dangerous if you’re already married.
If it happens to you, there’s only one right thing to do – break it off.
“It’s not that easy, Jim,” you might be thinking. “You don’t understand what I face in my marriage, or how alive I feel when I’m around this other person.”
Fair enough. But I do know this: breaking off connection with the person you’re turning to instead of your spouse is the right thing to do. It’s right for you. It’s right for your spouse. And, ultimately, it will prove to be right for the other person and everyone else involved, like your children.
No matter what your situation, we’re here to help you! Give our counselors a call. Let us pray with you and offer some practical steps that will help you get back into God’s will for your marriage. Call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459), leave your name and number, and they’ll get back with you just as soon as possible.
I also want to make sure you’re aware of Hope Restored. If you’re on the brink of divorce, these marriage intensives can go a long way toward restoring your hope, facilitating healing between you and your spouse, and bringing restoration to your relationship. The number for Hope Restored is 1-866-875-2915, or visit online.
Be sure to take a few minutes to join us for our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Staying True to Your Marriage.”We’re airing a recorded message from Dr. Chapman from his DVD Series called The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.
Dr. Gary Chapman’s book called The Marriage You’ve Always Wantedis available for a gift of any amount. Visit our websiteor give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) for more information. It’s full of straight-forward and helpful advice to help you have a biblical perspective about your marriage no matter what your circumstances.