Daly Focus Blog
You thought you married the perfect person. Then, over time, you began to notice flaws. Your spouse wasn’t as kind and loving as they used to be. Now you fight with each other, you blame each other, and you never really discuss tough issues because that leads to more conflict. You wonder if you made a mistake.
What if there’s something deeper going on? Is it possible that Satan is attacking your marriage and you’re experiencing spiritual warfare?
Darrell Waltrip was one of the most successful drivers on the NASCAR circuit in the 1980s.
Together, he and his wife, Stevie, are chairpersons for Motor Racing Outreach, a Christian organization that holds chapel services for the drivers, crews, and their families. They also distribute Christian literature and offer other support for those in the NASCAR community. I appreciate the work they perform at NASCAR tracks on weekends.
I got the opportunity to speak with Darrell and Stevie on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Marriage in the Stressful World of NASCAR.” We recorded at the Darrell Waltrip Museum in front of a live audience of Focus friends right before a race at Charlotte Motor Speedway.
Matt Hammit was the lead singer of the Christian rock band Sanctus Real for 20 years. In the early years of the band, performing at a music festival, he noticed a beautiful girl in overalls dancing like no one was watching. The next day, at another worship event over three hours away, he saw her again.
Her name was Sarah. Raised in a Christian home, she became a “party girl” in college. When she saw Matt onstage at the music festival leading worship, she felt drawn to him and prayed, “God, I’ll quit drinking if you let me marry that guy.” They began dating and quickly fell in love.
What “season” is it for your marriage? Is it summer because things are warm and sizzling with your spouse? Or is it winter because things feel a little chilly?
I remember how it felt when Jean and I fell in love. Like many couples in a new relationship, we enjoyed being together every chance we could, and daydreamed about seeing each other when we couldn’t. It was easy to think, “We’ll always feel this way!”
But relationships are like the weather; they change.
“It’s just like an American to think you invented the family.”
That’s what Dr. Lilian Wahomey, a psychologist in Kenya, jokingly said to me over lunch one day. I met with her almost 25 years ago to explore ways Focus on the Family could come alongside families in Africa.
I asked, “Do you think a focus on marriage and parenting is be relevant in this part of the world?”
With a friendly smile, she reminded me that the core needs of marriages and families transcend language, culture, nationality, and socio-economic status.
“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”
That verse, Genesis 2:24, is usually referred to in the context of marriage. But Pastor Ted Cunningham pointed out to me that it actually begins as an observation about parenting.
The verse declares that a man will leave his father and mother. It assumes that our children will leave home as adults, not as children who must then set out on a journey to become grownups on their own.
For a stronger marriage, ask yourself, “What’s my EQ?”
While your IQ is a measure of your intelligence, your EQ is a measure of your “emotional intelligence.”
That term was coined in 1995 by Daniel Goleman, who first applied the concept to businessmen and women. As he defined it, emotional intelligence is the degree to which you are able to make healthy relational choices based on your understanding of your emotions and those around you. The concept eventually spilled outside of the business world into other arenas.
Infidelity is a mirage.
It promises fulfillment. It delivers heartache and tragedy. Not only is the rush of excitement short-lived, but it is quickly replaced by long-lasting and devastating consequences.
When an affair is exposed, the betrayal is often so deep that couples rush to divorce. But ending your marriage in the wake of infidelity isn’t the simple solution people assume. It often replaces one set of problems with another.
Reconciliation can create long-term resolution. Research shows us that couples who are willing to work through betrayal and pain with godly forgiveness can eventually rebuild their relationship.
Author Gary Thomas thought he had a pretty good marriage. Then God reminded him of the pledge he’d made to his wife at their wedding, a pledge you probably made as well if you used traditional vows.
It’s this: “I promise to love and to cherish you until death do us part.” Gary now admits that the moment he said those words at the altar was the last time he considered the word “cherish” in terms of his marriage.
When Jean and I first entered premarital counseling, we knew that we were meant for each other. We enjoyed most of the same things and were alike in almost every way.When we finished our last session a week later, that had all changed. We were both thinking, “Wow, we are nothing alike!” And we were wondering, “Are we going to be okay?”
At some point, every couple recognizes their differences, and something strange happens when they do: The whole idea of “two becoming one” gets turned into, “My spouse should become more like me.”
When author and blogger Melanie Shankle realized how different she and her husband were, she had a revelation.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
