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Tim Keller: 8 Tips for Marriage Seekers

KellerMeaningMarriage1.jpgThe following is a condensed excerpt from my friend Tim Keller’s excellent new book, which I strongly endorse, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God:

Practical Counsel for Marriage Seekers

Recognize that there are seasons for not doing marriage-seeking:

When you are going through a significant transition — starting a new job, starting a new school, death of a parent, or some other fairly absorbing time or event — it might not at all be a good time to begin a relationship.

Understand the ‘gift of singleness’:

Paul calls singleness a gift in 1 Corinthians 7:7:  But what Paul speaks of is neither a condition without any struggle nor on the other hand an experience of misery. It is fruitfulness in life and ministry through the single state.

Get more serious about marriage seeking as you get older:

The older you are, and the more often you ‘go out’, the quicker both people must be to acknowledge that you are doing marriage-seeking.


Do not allow yourself deep emotional inv
olvement with a non-believing person:

keller1.jpg

The essence of intimacy in marriage is that finally you have someone who will eventually come to understand you and accept you as you are.  You should not deliberately marry someone who does not share your Christian faith.

Understand “attraction” in the most comprehensive sense:

So many people choose their marriage partner on the basis of looks and money — rather than character, mission, future-self, and mythos — that they often find themselves married to a person they don’t really respect that much.

Don’t let things get too passionate too quickly:

Refuse to have sex before you are married.  Sexual activity triggers deep passions in you for the other person before you have gotten a good look at him or her. Put friendship development before romantic development.

Don’t become a ‘faux’ spouse for someone who won’t commit to you:

If a relationship has dragged on for years with no signs of deepening or progressing towards marriage, it may be that one person has found a level of relationship (short of marriage) in which they are receiving all they want and feels no need to take it to the final stage of commitment.

Get and submit to lots of community input:

Married Christians should look for ways to “share” their marriages with the singles and other married couples in their community.

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Topics: Family and Home Tags: intimacy, marriage, relationships March 26, 2012 by Jim Daly with Paul Batura

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Jim-Daly President of Focus on the Family
Jim Daly
with Paul Batura

Posts by Jim

My Passion for the Harvest

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Centering Your Marriage on Christ

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Daly Focus

Jim-Daly Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.

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