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Arguing Happily Ever After

Somebody once said there are two types of married couples – those who argue (from time to time) and those who lie and say they don’t.

There was an interesting article in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal that suggests it’s not if we argue, but how we argue that will determine the overall health of our marriages.

All couples disagree – it’s how they disagree that makes the difference,” reports Howard Markman, professor of psychology at the University of Denver and co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies. ”You can get angry, but it’s important to talk without fighting.”counselingphoto1.jpg

Within the piece were several practical strategies promising to “turn heated arguments into cool-headed conversations.” I think they’re both helpful and realistic.

They include:

Talk about it: The problem won’t go away.

Cool Off: Pick a time to talk (within 24 hours) when you’re less emotionally charged.

Don’t Assume: You might think you know what your spouse is thinking – but be sure to ask!

Flexibility Isn’t Weakness: Don’t be so quick to dig your heels in. It’s OK to change your mind.

Try and See the Other Side: Imagine how your spouse views the subject.

Stay Close: It’s almost always better to talk in close proximity to one another.

Agree to Disagree: There doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser in every discussion.

Choose Your Words Carefully: It’s been said the tongue is the most powerful weapon in the world.

I’m encouraged to realize that Jean and I practice many, if not all of these techniques, on the rare (!) event of a disagreement. But I’d be curious to know how you and your spouse approach conflict resolution?

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Topics: Family and Home Tags: husband, marriage, wife July 28, 2010 by Jim Daly with Paul Batura

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Jim-Daly President of Focus on the Family
Jim Daly
with Paul Batura

Posts by Jim

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Daly Focus

Jim-Daly Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.

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