Daly Focus Blog
Lucille Williams was washing vomit out of her clothes when she thought, “This is marriage.”
She was on her honeymoon with her husband, Mike. It was the last night of their cruise, and they were enjoying a final dinner with friends they’d made that week. Suddenly, an unexpected bout of sea sickness hit Mike, and he began vomiting uncontrollably. Their dinner guests scrambled to get out of the way, but it was too late for Lucille.
Do you ever waste time with your spouse?
That may seem like an odd question. But your answer will get to the heart of what your relationship with your spouse is all about.
You see, some couples don’t do too well with “wasting” time with one another. Simply being together with no particular agenda and nothing to focus their attention on except their spouse is uncomfortable.
In other words, they have a hard time with intimacy.
Is it possible to change your husband?
Well, yes and no.
Researcher John Gottman says that around 60 percent of the dynamics in a marriage will never change. When you marry somebody, you’re marrying them essentially as they are. A person who’s perpetually late may never care if they’re on time. A neat-freak will never feel comfortable with clutter.
Author Gary Thomas says that still leaves 40 percent for a relationship to grow, and for spouses to learn to approach their marriage in different ways.
“He walked in, and I knew something was horribly wrong. I thought someone had died. I didn’t know it was our marriage.”
That comment from Mona Shriver about the moment she learned her husband Gary was committing adultery, reflects a sentiment felt by almost a third of couples. One or both partners admits to involvement in extramarital affairs, and life as they know it dies.
Gary and Mona Shriver are here with us from California to talk about the emotional devastation they went through as a result of an affair.
King Artaxerxes commissioned Nehemiah to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. Nehemiah and his men set to work with trowels in one hand and swords in the other (4:17) defending against enemies on all sides.
In many ways, married couples face similar opposition. They’re building their homes with jobs, hard work, and children in one hand and the sword of the Word of God in the other, defending their families against a culture that’s increasingly hostile to them.
According to a recent report from the United States Census Bureau, most people believe it’s “socially desirable” for the husband to earn more than his wife.
In fact, in the event that a wife does earn more than her husband, researchers discovered that couples tend to downplay or under report the financial difference.
Why?
Obviously, there’s a lot of history, tradition and even controversy surrounding this topic. For instance, the issue of pay equity is hotly debated and often comes up in the midst of political campaigns.
By: Ashley Durand
Everyone said marriage would be hard.
But our first year of marriage wasn’t hard in predictable ways.
Sure, there were little adjustments here and there, tiny conflicts like agreeing on how much to budget for groceries or what time to go to bed. But we had a lot of fun together, laughed constantly, and loved each other more every day. We led small group and kids club at church, and felt God’s hand of blessing.
Well-known author and popular guest Dr. Gary Chapman says that if you really want the marriage you’ve always dreamed of, you have to be daring.
It takes courage to ask, “Honey, how can I be a better husband/wife to you? How can I make your life easier?” Those are daring questions because your spouse will give you an answer, and he or she will expect you to respond.
Look at that scenario from a different perspective, however, and you’ll see it as a chance to minister to your spouse’s heart with the love of Christ.
Did God design marriage to make us happy?
Before I answer that, let’s define our terms.
On one end of the spectrum is happiness that’s rooted in pleasure-seeking. Happiness of this sort isn’t necessarily bad, but it does have a shelf-life. It’s like eating ice cream – the dessert is tasty, but the pleasure doesn’t last very long.
On the other end of the spectrum is happiness rooted in meaningful activity, purpose, and deeply-held values that endure.
Jesus could have judged the woman caught in adultery (John 8:3-11). She was guilty, after all. The crowd knew it. She knew it, too. And according to the strict law of Moses, she deserved death by stoning.
Rocks in hand, the men dragged the woman through the streets, and asked Jesus for her final verdict. Instead of condemning her, Jesus forgave her.
That story from the book of John is helpful for couples whose marriages have been assaulted by the betrayal of adultery.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
