Daly Focus Blog
Are you a clam or a crowbar?
That’s an analogy Dr. David Clarke uses to help husbands and wives understand how their poor communication skills have landed them in his counseling office.
In almost every marriage, there’s a clam. The percentages suggest it’s usually men, but it can be women, too.
In either case, clams are the ones who don’t naturally talk on an emotionally deep level. They clam up. But every time they do, their spouses break out a crowbar to pry them open.
Today’s broadcast has me thinking a lot about one of my favorite verses in the Bible. It reminds me of how I ought to conduct myself in the name of Christ. In Romans 2:4, Paul tells us that it’s “God’s kindness that leads us to repentance.”
Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit – an expression of God’s nature through us – and one of the most powerful tools for Christians who wish to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the world around them.
Fire can cook you a nice steak, or it can burn your house to the ground. The difference lies in how well you harness its power.
It’s the same with a strong-will. There is a lot of good that comes from having what LeRoy and Kimberly Wagner describe as a “fierce” personality. But a strong-will gone wild can wreak havoc in a person’s life.
Fierce doesn’t have to mean obnoxious, loud, or rude. A fierce woman can be strong and beautiful.
“I gave him everything I could physically and emotionally just to keep him around. He was a need, a necessity.”
Author Danna Gresh says that comment from a college-age young woman is reflective of the curse described in Genesis 3:16: “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
According to Dannah, the curse is like a “violent craving” for many women. It’s not that they want a man, they feel like they need one.
Wives, when you were dating, it was probably easy to see the best in your husband. But at some point after you said, “I do,” did you discover yourself taking him for granted?
It happens. But you can make choices that will get your relationship moving in the right direction more quickly.
I think you’ll be inspired and encouraged toward a stronger marriage with our radio program today, “How to Have a Happier Husband,” featuring a conversation with popular guest Kathi Lipp.
You remember Clark Kent. He was a mild-mannered man … until he pulled open his shirt and revealed the superhero outfit underneath that announced his true identity. He was Superman, faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Dads don’t wear a superhero’s outfit under their clothes, but don’t let that fool you. They have true heroic power. Their mere presence can have a dramatic influence in the lives of their children.
“We were doing all the right things. We knew each other’s love languages. We went on date nights. We spent time away, just the two of us. We thought we were doing all the right things and yet, infidelity became a part of our story. That’s when we realized it wasn’t a lack of big things that were robbing us of intimacy. It was all the deeper emotions under the surface that went undiscussed that pulled our hearts away from each other one centimeter at a time.”
That’s how Mark and Jill Savage describe their marriage’s slow descent into a dark abyss of infidelity and near-divorce.
Whether it’s our marriage, parenting or our profession, it’s common for us to get so consumed in our own little world of trouble that we forget that every problem we face has, in some form or fashion, also been a problem for prior generations.
Nowhere is this more true than in marriage. In fact, in doing research for my book, Marriage Done Right, I reviewed plenty of old pamphlets and books that were full of marital advice.
Does this routine sound familiar? Fold the laundry, change the diaper, buy the things for that science fair project, make dinner, walk the dog. It never seems to end!
When you’re in the middle of a long to-do list it’s easy to fall into the temptation of measuring a day’s success by how many of those items you manage to cross off. That’s why in this post, I’m not going to share tips with you on how to get it all done.
I want to speak directly to the men today.
Some of you are probably tired of reminders about the importance of your sexual purity. But I encourage you to join me today and tomorrow for our broadcast, “Men: Maintaining Sexual Purity.” Our guest is author Fred Stoeker, the president of Living True Ministries and an expert in this area.
He speaks from personal experience and from biblical wisdom to show both younger and older men the value of honoring God with their sexuality.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
