How to spiritually connect with your spouse may be one of the most misunderstood concepts in marriage.
Couples tend to think in terms of spiritual activities they ought to dotogether: Read their Bible, pray, go to church together, memorize Scripture.
Certainly, those are important spiritual disciplines, and they fit the personality of a lot of people especially well. Some couples are so structured they treat devotions like mini-church. They gather together each night, read verses from the Bible, share their thoughts, and close in prayer for one another.
That’s a beautiful image, but – let’s face it – it’s not realistic for most of us. At least, not very often.
Our days are fast-paced, and we tend to connect on the move. Discussion happens while we’re getting the kids to school or Little League practice. Or maybe it’s not until dinner time that evening that we’re settled enough to have meaningful conversation.
The one thing those scenarios have in common is that the focus for the couple ends up on what they’re doingand misses something larger: We’re human beings, not human doings.
That’s not merely semantics. At its core, spiritual intimacy with our spouse is about who we aretogether, not simply what we do.
Ephesians 2:20 describes Jesus as the cornerstone of our faith. If our faith is central to our lives, then He is the cornerstone of the foundation of our marriage as well. A thriving spiritual connection means that we understand that Christ is the cornerstone of our marriage.
That understanding allows you to connect your hearts, your souls, and your minds – all of your being – as you pursue God together. It’s offering one another the deepest parts of who we are.
You may be thinking: “Sounds great, Jim. But with kids, work, bills, and stuff to get done around the house, finding time to form meaningful spiritual bonds with my spouse is no easy task.”
Authors and marriage experts Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley agree that the endeavor can be a profound struggle.
“It’s not a linear, straight line pursuit,” they say. “It’s a journey that’s messy – a few steps forward, a few steps backward.”
But they’re also quick to say it’s an effort that’s worth it: “Marriages that lack spiritual connection almost always create pain and loneliness.”
So what’s the answer?
That’s the crux of our discussion on our Focus on the Family Broadcast, “Connecting Spiritually with Your Spouse.” Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley join us in the studio to offer couples tools to build spiritual intimacy into their relationship.