Daly Focus Blog
You can’t change your spouse. So what do you do if your marriage is in a desperate place?
Many couples believe there are just two choices:
Stay and be miserable for the rest of your life.
Get out while you can and hope to find happiness somewhere down the line.
Dr. Gary Chapman says there’s a third option: With God’s help and with godly counsel from others, positively influence your marriage by creating possibilities for your spouse to change his or her behavior.
Theresa had a stroke 18 years ago. She lost control over her hands. Which means for all these years she’s struggled to do simple things in life, like styling her own hair. That’s why when she goes to the beauty salon, she leaves with a smile. She feels beautiful.
The trouble is, as soon as she washes her hair it falls flat, and she can’t get it to look the way her stylist does. Which means, until her next hair appointment comes around, Theresa doesn’t smile as much.
October is Clergy Appreciation Month, and Sunday, October 13 is Clergy Appreciation Day. This celebration is an opportunity to honor the approximately 50,000 ministers, priests, rabbis, and chaplains across the United States.
Most members of the clergy aren’t well-known. They don’t speak to large audiences on TV or podcasts, or minister to huge congregations. The average pastor shepherds a church of fewer than 100 people – and most have to hold down a second job to pay the bills.
“Birds of a feather flock together.”
That saying means we feel most comfortable around people who look like us, talk like us, and think like us. Though natural, that tendency often costs us the opportunity to learn from and build relationships with people who hold different perspectives than we do.
Diversity is rooted in God’s character more than we often imagine. He creates human beings in His image, so every person is God’s image-bearer. Each person gives us a unique opportunity to know God more fully and to better appreciate what it means to be fully human.
I enjoyed watching my boys grow in their Christian faith. As they became older, it was up to them to develop their relationship with God and make it their own. But when they were young, it was Jean’s and my role as their parents to nurture their spirituality.
Parents are blessed to be influenced by youth leaders and Sunday school teachers, but, ultimately, teaching and modeling faith is up to Mom and Dad (as well as Grandma, Grandpa and other close family members).
My most vivid childhood memories are rooted in experiences, not words. I remember what happened far more than I remember what people said. I’m sure that’s true for most of us. You probably don’t remember being told to avoid hot stoves, but I’ll bet you remember the first time you touched one.
That’s why, when I was raising my boys, I knew experiences would impart wisdom and strengthen their character more effectively than lectures would. Plenty of situations on the playground and at school taught them to be kind and to stand for what’s right.
I’ve got a simple idea for improving your marriage, but it takes some courage: Ask your spouse to share two things you do in your marriage that he or she likes … and two things you can do to make your marriage better.
The first part – hearing what you do well – is easy. We all love pats on the back and being told the ways we shine. It’s the second part – what you can do better – that’ll take some courage to hear.
Critics of the Bible say it’s outdated and irrelevant to modern society. Allow me to share just one example of why that’s not true.
Genesis 25 tells the story of two brothers, Jacob and Esau. Esau, the firstborn, was entitled to his family’s inheritance, a responsibility that required strong character and wisdom. Unfortunately, he had neither. That becomes clear when Esau returns home after a long day of hunting. He’s so hungry that he begs his brother Jacob for a bowl of stew.
One of the most heartbreaking letters to Focus on the Family I’ve read was from a grown woman who recounted her parents’ divorce when she was a little girl. Her dad told her, “Your mom and I aren’t capable of being together, so I’m leaving. But I’ll always be there for you. I’ll see you on weekends. I’ll see you on your birthday.”
She never saw her dad again.
That father made a lot of promises to his daughter and never kept one.
If someone asked you this question, how would you answer?
“What if my health declines to the point that I can only survive on a breathing machine. I’m not sure that’s something I want to do, but I’m afraid to dishonor the Lord. Should I artificially prolong my life with a respirator?”
When you’re wrestling with a question as profound as whether or not life is worth living, only God – not conventional wisdom – is adequate to answer.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
