Why did you get married?
For yourself? Or for your spouse?
Be honest. It was for you, wasn’t it?
Don’t feel too guilty about that. The rest of us probably did the same thing. Most of us get married because the relationship makes us happy. We thought marriage to this person would make our lives better.
That’s not entirely selfish. God wants us to enjoy our relationships with our spouses, but He also has a larger purpose in mind. He wants your relationship to transform your selfishness to selflessness.
When couples aren’t open to change, they spend their first few years together chasing their own selfishness. A frustrating 30 years afterward – if they make it that far at all – they find themselves asking, “Where did our marriage go wrong?”
Author Gary Thomas’ marriage changed when he understood that God had already met his deepest needs for love. He was as loved as a person could hope for. God had created him, adored him, knew him, saved him, and redeemed him. Those were empty spots his wife never could have filled.
Gary says, “My greatest need from my wife wasn’t to be loved, any more than somebody who’s just pushed back from a Thanksgiving table has a great need to be fed. Love is a legitimate need. But when that the deepest expression of that is being met through Christ’s love for you, you don’t have to place unwarranted burdens on your spouse.”
When your greatest need is to feel loved, a good day is feeling noticed, appreciated, and cared for by people. When Christ fills that hole, you’ll be better equipped to notice, to appreciate, and to care for your spouse. God’s love enables us to love others.
What can you say or do today to bring positive change to your marriage? We’ve got answers for you on our broadcast with Gary Thomas “Drawing Closer to God and Each Other.” He’ll share how to intentionally pursue oneness with your spouse and to have the marriage you’ve always wanted.
We’ve got good news for frustrated couples: Good marriages aren’t something you find; they’re something you make.
Hear how on your local radio station, online, or on our free phone app. And check in our online store for Gary’s book A Lifelong Love: What If Marriage Is About More Than Just Staying Together?
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Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
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