Daly Focus Blog
One of the most popular questions we get here at Focus on the Family is, “How do I pass my values on to my children?”
First and foremost is you, mom and dad. Your presence is the most important influence in your kids’ lives. They’re watching you. Everything you say and do makes a profound impression on what your children say and do. Model the values you hope your children will adopt as their own. If you want them to be loving, then be loving.
Technology continues to make incredible, often unimaginable, strides. Much of it is well-intended. Communication technology and social media have transformed life, connecting us with people anywhere in the world. And, yet, according to the U.S. Surgeon General, loneliness is an epidemic. Half of all adults feel significantly isolated.
How can the most connected generation in history suffer from isolation? Because God has wired us for face to face, heart to heart connection that nothing digital can replicate.
Over the years, I’ve discovered how my interactions with my wife are shaped by experiences from my childhood – for good or for bad.
Maybe you’ve discovered the same thing. You have buried anger that’s seeping into your marriage relationship. Or you’re a loner who refuses help from anyone. Or you’re a people pleaser who tries to make everybody happy.
These attitudes may seem normal, but they create friction in a marriage. Some couples are so accustomed to their unhealthy patterns that they become trapped in a “conflict loop” where they routinely trigger each other without recognizing that they’re doing it.
As the saying goes, “Laughter is good for the soul.” It’s good for your soul as a parent as well.
Studies show that families who laugh are healthier, happier and more connected to each other. Even little giggles between you and your family play a meaningful part in creating bonds that you’ll share forever.
Laughter is a powerful connector. In fact, at its heart, laughter is mostly about connection, only partially about humor. We laugh more when we’re with other people than when we’re alone.
Over the years, loving my wife has most often expressed itself in small ways. Like when our boys were young and full of energy. Some nights I’d come home after a long, busy day at work, and Jean would meet me at the door with Trent and Troy – 5 and 3 years old at the time – and say, “Take them.”
Jean and I were both desperate for a recharge after a long day, but in that moment, there was only room for one of us to take a breather.
It’s been over 50 years since my mom died. All I have are a handful of photographs. I don’t have audio recordings or home movies of her, unfortunately, so I don’t remember the sound of her voice anymore. But I do recall many of the things mom said to me – things that positively influenced my direction through life and shaped the man I’ve become. I’d like to share a few of them with you.
First she’d tell me, “It’ll be okay.” Life wasn’t easy for my mom, but somehow she always saw the glass as half-full.
You’d think I’d have marriage down pat by now. My wife, Jean, and I have been married almost 40 years. I’ve also spent the majority of my career leading an organization that helps families thrive. Nevertheless, while I believe I’m becoming all that God desires of me, I’ll always be an imperfect work in progress.
But I guess that’s true of all of us. Whether you’ve been married as long as me or you’re a newlywed, all of us can take small steps and grow as a husbands and wives.
The empty nest years can be a “tight ring season.”
That’s a term coined by Marci Seither and her husband after a customer hired the Seithers’ sawmill in Northern California to remove a huge tree from the spot where their new home would be built. Feeling it a shame to lose such a beautiful tree, the homeowners planned to recycle the lumber by using it in the house’s construction.
But once they cut down the tree, they discovered the wood was too weak to use.
Do you like to buy gifts for your children? I sure do for my two boys. I enjoy seeing the look on their face when they get an unexpected present about as much as they enjoy opening it. But here’s the tricky part. We parents can overdo gift giving. From bikes to smartphones to cars, some of us give our kids everything. We all love to see our children happy, of course, but a little struggle can be good for them.
Bob and Audrey wanted to change the world. They got married and hit the ground running. Within a few years, they had three kids. They worked at the local and the national level to strengthen families. They were well known in the community. And they were busy. Really busy. Not only did they not see that as a problem, they saw it as a mindset. Every moment was an important opportunity to reach somebody that needed help.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
