Daly Focus Blog
Do you believe that God can save any marriage?
Patricia Ashley didn’t always think so. At one time, her marriage to Vernon was dead. She says, “I didn’t love my husband. I didn’t hate him. I wasn’t glad to see him come. I wasn’t glad to see him go. It didn’t make a difference what time he came in or if he came in at all. It was dead.”
They were so isolated from each other that they were divorced in almost every way – emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
How do you connect with God?
Is your faith inspired by beautiful art? Worship music? Serving others? Confronting evil in society? Some people love cathedrals or worshiping outside. Others prefer the comfort of their home church.
Although most of us have been taught one approach to spiritual growth – daily “quiet time,” Bible study, prayer, and weekly church attendance – we all have different personalities, likes and dislikes, and spiritual giftings, each of which bring a unique perspective to our understanding of the person of Jesus and the salvation He brings to the world.
My wife Jean and I have been married since 1986. One of the most important lessons about marriage I’ve learned in that time has been this: We’re different from one another, and that’s okay. But we’ve also learned that those differences have to be navigated carefully.
You and your spouse probably see the world through different eyes, too. You fall asleep to noise, but your spouse needs quiet. You’re a night owl, but your spouse enjoys mornings.
God has vision. He sees not just who people are, but what they can become.
People looked at David and saw a shepherd boy; God saw a king. Peter denied the Lord three times, but Jesus called him a “rock” and used him to build His church.
Effective parenting also requires vision. Every child struggles to find his or her identity. Engaged parents look beyond where their child is right now and catch a vision for who he or she can become.
Theresa had a stroke 18 years ago. She lost control over her hands. Which means for all these years she’s struggled to do simple things in life, like styling her own hair. That’s why when she goes to the beauty salon, she leaves with a smile. She feels beautiful.
The trouble is, as soon as she washes her hair it falls flat, and she can’t get it to look the way her stylist does. Which means, until her next hair appointment comes around, Theresa doesn’t smile as much.
“Birds of a feather flock together.”
That saying means we feel most comfortable around people who look like us, talk like us, and think like us. Though natural, that tendency often costs us the opportunity to learn from and build relationships with people who hold different perspectives than we do.
Diversity is rooted in God’s character more than we often imagine. He creates human beings in His image, so every person is God’s image-bearer. Each person gives us a unique opportunity to know God more fully and to better appreciate what it means to be fully human.
I enjoyed watching my boys grow in their Christian faith. As they became older, it was up to them to develop their relationship with God and make it their own. But when they were young, it was Jean’s and my role as their parents to nurture their spirituality.
Parents are blessed to be influenced by youth leaders and Sunday school teachers, but, ultimately, teaching and modeling faith is up to Mom and Dad (as well as Grandma, Grandpa and other close family members).
My most vivid childhood memories are rooted in experiences, not words. I remember what happened far more than I remember what people said. I’m sure that’s true for most of us. You probably don’t remember being told to avoid hot stoves, but I’ll bet you remember the first time you touched one.
That’s why, when I was raising my boys, I knew experiences would impart wisdom and strengthen their character more effectively than lectures would. Plenty of situations on the playground and at school taught them to be kind and to stand for what’s right.
Critics of the Bible say it’s outdated and irrelevant to modern society. Allow me to share just one example of why that’s not true.
Genesis 25 tells the story of two brothers, Jacob and Esau. Esau, the firstborn, was entitled to his family’s inheritance, a responsibility that required strong character and wisdom. Unfortunately, he had neither. That becomes clear when Esau returns home after a long day of hunting. He’s so hungry that he begs his brother Jacob for a bowl of stew.
One of the most heartbreaking letters to Focus on the Family I’ve read was from a grown woman who recounted her parents’ divorce when she was a little girl. Her dad told her, “Your mom and I aren’t capable of being together, so I’m leaving. But I’ll always be there for you. I’ll see you on weekends. I’ll see you on your birthday.”
She never saw her dad again.
That father made a lot of promises to his daughter and never kept one.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
