Daly Focus Blog
No word defines marriage quite like the word love. But what is love, really? Is it simply an emotion we feel? Or is it something deeper?
In some ways, it’s no surprise that we struggle to understand love. The word we use has become such a generic term that the richness of its meaning is often lost. That’s because in English there’s one word for love with a full spectrum of nuance. You can say, “I love my spouse,” and in the next breath say, “I love potato chips.” Same word.
What kind of “sex-pectations” do you and your spouse have?
In the book Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, co-authors Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta define “sex-pectations” as beliefs about sex that couples have going into marriage.
Those expectations can often be unhealthy, shaped more by Hollywood than God’s Word. Aligning expectations with reality can be challenging for a couple. A great place to start is adopting a biblical perspective of sex and understanding the benefits of a healthy sex life to a couple’s relationship.
The wear and tear of everyday life can take a toll on your marriage. Any given day a couple may face challenges in their faith, church, extended family relationships, recreation, sexual intimacy, friendships, household responsibilities, finances, hectic schedules, or a never-ending stream of parenting decisions.
Whew!
Is it any wonder that most relationships could use a little maintenance? The question is, how do you fill your marriage with good things without it all becoming just one more thing to juggle?
I’ve got good news for you if you’re in a bad marriage: No matter how dire your circumstances, there is hope.
When a marriage enters dangerous territory, the journey to get out isn’t easy, but the results can be beautiful.
On our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Saving Your Marriage from Divorce,” psychologist and author Dr. David Clarke shares his proven, 90-day strategy for getting a broken marriage on track toward healing and intimacy.
Most of us enter marriage with high expectations. We dream of long walks through the neighborhood every night and long walks along the beach in the summer. We imagine that every day will be romantic and exciting.
But somewhere between “I do” and “happily ever after” daily life settles into a predictable routine. And by “predictable” I mean “mundane” or – dare I even say – “boring.” Before long, we’re struggling under the “whens” and “if onlys” of life.
What “season” is it for your marriage? Is it summer because things are warm and sizzling with your spouse? Or is it winter because things feel a little chilly?
I remember how it felt when Jean and I fell in love. Like many couples in a new relationship, we enjoyed being together every chance we could and daydreamed about seeing each other when we couldn’t. It was easy to think, “We’ll always feel this way!”
But relationships are like the weather; they change.
As Christians, we orient our lives according to the Bible. We believe that God exists (Romans 1:20) and that He commands a host of angels who do His will (Luke 2:13-14) and who worship Him without ceasing (Revelation 4:8).
Yet, when it comes to spiritual warfare, we’re double-minded. We believe that the devil and his angels exist (Matthew 25:41), but we rarely acknowledge their influence in our daily affairs.
Author Gary Thomas thought he had a good marriage. Then God reminded him of the pledge he made to his wife at their wedding: “I promise to love and to cherish you until death do us part.”
Thirty-six years later, Gary realized that he hadn’t thought of the word “cherish” in terms of his marriage since he spoke those words. Determined to change course, Gary set out to understand what it really meant to cherish his wife.
Guy and Amber Lia were convinced that their marriage was a mistake soon after the mountaintop experience of their wedding. Neither had the communication skills to work through their differences. They reacted to each other instead of responding. Their relationship spiraled, and they considered throwing in the towel.
Every dating couple imagines marriage as a string of mountaintop experiences. Life will never be perfect, but we can’t fathom romance fading. We can’t foresee our conversations not stretching into the wee hours of the night.
On our Best of 2021 list of Focus on the Family Broadcasts is “Embracing Your Role as a Spouse,” with our guest Kevin Thompson. On the program, he describes the three roles of a spouse:
As friends, spouses play and laugh together.As partners, spouses handle conflict and communicate well.As lovers, spouses put sizzle into their relationship.
Kevin is the lead pastor at Community Bible Church in western Arkansas and regularly counsels couples. He’s also a conference speaker with popular talks about the topics of marriage and parenting.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
