Daly Focus Blog
According to Psychology Today, 63% of people who say they feel lonely are currently married. Two people drive in the same car, sit at the same table, and sleep in the same bed … yet they feel worlds apart.
My colleague, Dr. Greg Smalley, discovered how lonely his wife, Erin, was after he spent a few weeks during the pandemic cooking family meals when their adult children moved home for a few months. Erin quickly wore out from trying to work and cook for the entire family.
Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs were married for ten years.
The first time.
In their mid-twenties, Jeff and Cheryl moved to Los Angeles and lived a stereotypical California lifestyle. They were successful at their jobs. They made a lot of money. They even had an ocean-front home with all of the right stuff to fill it. Yet, their marriage was mostly empty.
Cheryl thought their lack of intimacy would eventually correct itself.
It didn’t.
She thought the birth of their twins would fill their emptiness.
Most newlyweds view their marriage as an empty canvas. It’s a perfectly clean, white surface where a beautiful portrait of their marriage will appear.
The reality is usually quite different. Each of us enters into marriage with color already splashed across our canvas, colors that reflect a set of expectations we may not even realize we have. The influences on our marriage begin not during the dating phase or at the wedding, but with assumptions about relationships that are formed from childhood.
Fire can cook you a juicy steak. Or it can burn your house to the ground. The difference lies in how well you harness the power of fire.
It’s the same with a strong will. There is a lot of good that comes from having what LeRoy and Kimberly Wagner describe as a “fierce” personality. But a strong-will gone wild can also wreak havoc.
If a woman isn’t in control of her strength, she can emasculate her husband.
There’s a buzzword in culture that supposedly reveals the secret to a happy marriage.
“Chemistry.”
Successful relationships, we’re told, ultimately boil down to two people who naturally share common beliefs and interests, without effort.
Obviously, the more points of agreement between a husband and wife, the better. But in God’s economy, the secret to a thriving marriage isn’t in a couple’s similarities, but in how they handle their differences.
The same differences that so powerfully draw couples together when they’re courting or dating often drive them apart in marriage.
“Mayday! Mayday!”
You recognize that distress call, don’t you? Even children have a rough idea of what it means. And the fact that they do reveals something important about effective communication.
The “mayday” distress code was designed to be simple and easy to understand. It was created in 1923 by Frederick Mockford, an airport radio officer in London, after his boss challenged him to devise a distress code that would easily be understood by pilots and ground staff in an emergency.
Today’s broadcast has me thinking a lot about one of my favorite verses in the Bible. In Romans 2:4, Paul tells us that it’s “God’s kindness that leads us to repentance.” That verse reminds me of how I ought to conduct myself toward others.
Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit – an expression of God’s nature through us – and one of the most powerful tools for Christians who wish to act as the hands and feet of Jesus to the world around them.
What’s your favorite song?
One reason it’s probably your favorite is because you enjoy hearing the vocals of the lead singer. But more than you realize, another cast of characters is just as important as the lead: the backing singers. Their chorus of voices harmonize with the lead and give the song a beauty, richness, and texture the main vocalist could never achieve alone.
What if every marriage had backing singers? Imagine a church where every follower of Jesus served as a backing singer to someone’s marriage – a chorus of voices uniting to strengthen the marriages of everyone around them.
Before Bob Kraning died in April 2020, he and his wife Carol were married for over sixty years. When it comes to enjoying a happy relationship, you might say that they had a lifetime of experience.
Whenever I hear about a couple like that, I can’t help but wonder, “What’s their secret?”
Bob provides answers in a recorded message we’re airing on our Focus on the Family Broadcast called “Twenty-Five Years and Still in Love.” Bob’s and Carol’s “secrets” are actually timeless truths available to all of us.
My wife and I approach recipes differently. Jean has a degree in biochemistry. She’s smart and sees life as a series of precisely calculated moves. To her, recipes are a detailed road map to be carefully followed. If the instructions call for one cup of flour, she’ll measure exactly one cup. She’ll even use a knife to scrape off the excess.
I’m more of a free spirit with recipes. I don’t see them as “a roadmap to follow” as much as “a few things to keep in mind.” I kinda, sorta measure ingredients, but not very carefully.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
