Daly Focus Blog
Parenting can be messy.
From your children’s earliest days, you set boundaries, you discipline, you pour your life into your kids and trust that they’ll be drawn to your Christian faith and embrace it as their own. But one night, years later, your head hits the pillow, and you stare up at the ceiling through the darkness, distraught and wondering, “Where did we go wrong? We raised our kids in church. We prayed with them. We read the Bible to them.
Some of you have just discovered you’re pregnant with your first baby. To that I say, “Congratulations!” You’re about to embark on one of the most sacred journeys a human being can undertake.
But it’s also one of the most challenging. Some big changes will be here before you know it. That precious new little one you’ll soon bring home will dramatically alter your entire way of life. From sleeping patterns to schedule changes, the demands on new parents can be rigorous.
Southern Colorado has been rocked by teen suicides recently, and it’s been devastating.
Our sons go to school in a district that has faced three student suicides in the past two weeks. During the last 13 months, there have been nine deaths in the district, between two schools located only a mile apart. And in nearby Pueblo, there were five student suicides last month. These recent deaths follow 29 student suicides that occurred in El Paso County (Focus’ home) between 2013 and 2015.
My sons are now becoming young men, and along with it comes the memories of a simpler time, when they were boys. Today I want to share with you a blog post that ran back in 2007. The main idea of this piece – to allow your children to make mistakes as they grow up – remains true today. I hope you enjoy this walk down memory lane with me… and that you heed the lesson I learned years ago while hanging out with my boys at a local Lowe’s store.
Here’s a scenario that will likely play out tonight in households everywhere.
Somewhere a parent will sit down with his or her son and jump into a long-winded monologue that forces the son to sit still and patiently listen. Over the course of that talk, the son’s eyes will glaze over, and the parent will repeatedly say, “Sit still and look at me while I’m talking to you.” When they’re done, the parent will feel compelled to ask, “Did you hear what I just said?” and the son will feel compelled to answer, “Umm, not really.”
The nursery rhyme says it all.
Kayla and Jeff got excited about all of the choices that were coming when they found out they were pregnant. Baby names. Nursery decorations. Pink clothes or blue?
But they could never have anticipated the gut-wrenching decision that doctors would soon confront them with about their baby.
Before they were married, Kayla and Jeff had been told that it was highly unlikely they’d ever be able to get pregnant. So the newlyweds were ecstatic – if not a little surprised – when a pregnancy test came back positive.
Preparing a child for adulthood is pretty serious business for parents. After all, the adult world is a competitive place, and we want our kids to be ready for it, don’t we?
That’s why we expect our children to do well in school and in their extracurricular activities. We even want them to behave with their siblings and the neighborhood kids. We parents understand how important it is for them to make good decisions in life.
What’s the biggest “do-over” you’d want as a parent?
If you’re like many parents, your answer is probably some variation on the theme, “I wish I would’ve spent more time with my kids.”
“I wish I would’ve taken my son to more baseball games.”
“I wish I would’ve tucked my daughter into bed more, instead of yelling, ‘Good night!’ from downstairs.”
“I wish I would’ve left work more often and shown up to their games and school activities.”
I doubt any of you picked, “I’d think up a lot more rules,” as your biggest do-over.
Chuck Colson once said to me, “By age 10, your children’s moral compass is pretty well set.”
His wisdom confirmed what Jean and I already believed from our earliest days of parenting: we only had a few short years to impart biblical wisdom and a love for Jesus to our two boys. It’s a task that we’ve taken seriously ever since. But we also discovered early that “serious” doesn’t have to mean “dull” or “boring.”
Thankfully, there’s no magical “one way” for moms and dads to pass their faith on to their children.
“He wasn’t easy to raise, but it’s been more difficult losing him.”
That’s how Jan Harrison describes the emotional struggle she’s endured since her son, James, passed away six years ago at the age of 27. He was a challenge to raise because he was born with an adventurous spirit. He wasn’t the kind of kid who responded well to boundaries that locked him down.
That’s not easy for a mom whose natural instinct was to keep her son safe.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
