Daly Focus Blog
Theresa had a stroke 18 years ago. She lost control over her hands. Which means for all these years she’s struggled to do simple things in life, like styling her own hair. That’s why when she goes to the beauty salon, she leaves with a smile. She feels beautiful.
The trouble is, as soon as she washes her hair it falls flat, and she can’t get it to look the way her stylist does. Which means, until her next hair appointment comes around, Theresa doesn’t smile as much.
A couple of years ago, we shared Dr. Rosaria Butterfield’s dramatic conversion testimony. In the late ‘90s, she was professor of English and queer theory at Syracuse University in New York. She was living proudly as a lesbian and feminist and was an outspoken advocate for LGBTQ rights.
Her turn to faith came about from what she calls “radically ordinary hospitality.” That’s where you open your home and your life to neighbors, friends, and strangers and intentionally share your faith.
“For a good time, call HOME!”
That’s not a bumper sticker (although it could be). It’s actually Ted Cunningham’s way of encouraging men and women to invest in their marriage.
You get out of your relationship what you put into it. That means enjoying life and marriage is a decision – a choice you make – not something you achieve by passively sitting back and hoping will come your way.
Compatibility isn’t an accident. It’s something you create in your relationship by choosing to invest your time and resources.
Does your marriage stress you out?
If not, there’s still a good chance that you’re bringing stress into your marriage.
Either way, how do you handle it?
The natural inclination for many couples is to seek stress relief in non-relational ways that enable them to hide from each other – things like drugs and alcohol, or even behaviors like shopping, gambling, excessive cleaning, or binge-watching television – all of which lead to addiction, unhealthy obsessions, or lashing out at other people.
Emmy Award-winning sports journalist and former ESPN producer Jason Romano remembers the day he got the phone call. How could he forget?
On the other end was his father, who was in tears with terrible news. Patty, his second wife and Jason’s stepmother, had been killed in a house fire. Jason was devastated.
Then he discovered it was all a lie.
His father had been drunk and made up the whole story. For money? For sympathy?
Pastor Ted Cunningham says, “Social media is a place where people share their opinions without sticking around for the conversation.”
He’s right. A lot of people like to share their opinions, but few like to listen. Beyond social media, that’s also a big problem in marriage, in parenting, and in interactions with friends and extended family.
Listening has become synonymous with approval, agreement, and wholesale acceptance of someone’s opinion. The natural response, then, is to talk over people and to express our point of view to the exclusion of all others.
Skyscrapers are amazing feats of engineering. They need to be strong enough to resist the forces that come against them, like gravity and wind. That’s why skyscrapers are built with steel.
They also need to be flexible enough to withstand the forces that come against them … like gravity and wind. That’s why architects design skyscrapers with a certain amount of sway.
Strength and softness. The two sides of a superstructure. Two sides of love as well.
More than likely, you’ve taken a personality test or two, read a book on the subject, or even heard us talk about the topic on our Focus on the Family Broadcast. In 42 years, our ministry has featured numerous guests who have helped listeners discover whether they’re a lion or a golden retriever. A pleaser or an avoider. A sanguine or a choleric.
If none of those terms sound familiar, listen through some of our past broadcasts that cover personality and love styles.
Do you have someone in your life who’s toxic? Someone who’s negative, even antagonistic toward you. Someone who tries to control your life. Someone who, no matter what you say or do to please them, it’s never enough.
What’s a good way to respond to a person like that?
Christians are especially likely to have relationships with toxic people. Coming alongside another person with the love of Christ in a time of need can be messy.
My wife and I often discuss our relationship in terms of a theme. It could be “forgiveness,” or “grace,” or maybe “patience.” Then we try to weave that theme into every part of our marriage. Not only will we try to be more patient, for example, but we’ll make patience a part of our conversation with one another for that season of life.
Sometimes all it takes to infuse a marriage with more happiness is a few small changes.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
