Are you an avoider?
A pleaser?
How about a chaotic or a vacillator?
Those are four of the five the love styles you and your spouse likely see in your marriage. Their various combinations describe the core patterns driving a couple’s interactions and the problems they cause.
Avoiders and pleasers don’t experience much conflict, but for all the wrong reasons. Avoiders don’t like to have honest conversations because they get messy, and pleasers worry their spouse will get mad.
Vacillators have high expectations for their relationship – so high, in fact, that they usually feel disappointed because nothing ever quite reaches their standards for happiness.
Once you understand your own love style and that of your spouse, you can work together to become the fifth love style – the secure connecter. We see examples of that style in Jesus.
- Christ wasn’t an avoider. He was emotionally connected.
- He wasn’t a pleaser. He had the inner strength to tell people no and allow them to feel angry.
- He wasn’t idealistic. He told us that the world is broken and in need of redemption.
- He wasn’t a chaotic controller or a victim.
The more we grow in Christ-likeness, the more our relationships will be healthy, strong, and able to move through conflict productively.
Joining us on our broadcast “Exploring Your Love Style” are Milan and Kay Yerkovich, authors of the book How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage. They’ll describe each of the love style combinations and explain how to break free from core patterns that are keeping your marriage stuck.
I’d love to send a copy to you for a gift of any amount. It’s our way of saying thank you for supporting Focus on the Family. Also, right now, through a limited-time match, your donation will be doubled. I hope you’ll consider reaching out through us to families in need. (For more information, visit our website.)
Join us on your local radio station, online, on iTunes, via Podcast, or take us with you on our free phone app, or watch the program on our YouTube channel.
Sign up for the weekly e-newsletter
Leave a Reply