Daly Focus Blog
You may have read “The Fox and the Crow” when you were a child. As you’ll recall, the famous story from “Aesop’s Fables” warns us to be wary of flattery.
Or, you may have read about Christian’s journey to the Celestial City in “Pilgrim’s Progress.” On the road to the Celestial City, Christian meets a giant named Despair. Just as Christian must overcome the giant, Despair is a reality many Christians face in their spiritual lives.
A father who came to psychologist Michael Anderson’s office for counseling illustrates the shift in thinking many moms and dads need to make.
The father said, “In the last 90 days, my daughter has completely changed. She’ll do anything her friends tell her to do. She’s smoking. She’s drinking. She’s shoplifting.”
Michael asked him, “What was she like 90 days ago?”
The father said, “She was an A-student. She was in the church youth group. She’d do anything we told her to do.”
That last phrase caught Michael’s ear.
I remember taking our boys to Disneyland when they were around 6 and 8. One of them was determined to get his way and had a meltdown. My attempted solution was to threaten, “Control yourself, or you will never come here again.”
It was a silly parenting strategy on my part because at the time, Jean and I enjoyed taking the boys to Disneyland and creating memories. In other words, I wasn’t really willing to follow through on the consequences I threatened.
I’ll cut right to the point.
Jean and I are grieving a little bit this week – not over the death of a loved one or a dire medical diagnosis – but grieving nonetheless.
Our oldest, Trent, left for a nearby college earlier this week.
We couldn’t be happier for him, of course, especially seeing how he’s matured and grown over these last few years. We’ve been impressed with his choice of friends, his attitude and his overall goals and sense of direction.
So here’s the scenario. It’s a weeknight, and your child has spent most of the evening on the same school assignment. It’s pretty clear he doesn’t understand the information. To top it off, he’s brought home a note from the teacher warning you about a failing grade.
What do you do?
Many parents immediately assume the worst. They think their child has a behavior problem, difficulty learning, or is just plain lazy. But most of the time school challenges like this aren’t a crisis.
When author and counselor Dr. David Clarke speaks to parents, he humorously asks if children are a gift from God … or instruments of slow torture.
His answer: both!
He tells parents they’re fighting three wars:
With their own children. Kids are wonderful gifts from God, but they’re fiendishly inventive at getting their own way.With their spouse. Most couples find out after their first child is born that they have different parenting styles.With the culture. Everything from the entertainment industry to social media to public policy makes parenting children increasingly difficult.
Instilling virtue in your children is pretty serious business. After all, the adult world is a competitive place, and you want your kids to be prepared.
Unfortunately, that desire leads many parents to bury their children beneath some pretty harsh standards. At report card time, they question why their nearly straight-A student didn’t get that onegrade a little higher. Or maybe they snap at their teenager if he or she shows the slightest sign of irresponsibility.
That kind of response doesn’t adequately reflect most parents’ heart for their children.
May is National Foster Care Awareness Month.
We’re honoring all those who have stepped into the world of adoption and foster care on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “The Complicated, Beautiful Life of a Foster Mom” with our guest Jessie Gallaher. She describes her difficult yet rewarding journey of adopting five children from foster care – all at once!
When they first brought the kids home, many people told Jessie and her husband, “Just love them, and time will heal all of their wounds.” But like most adoptive parents, they discovered that raising children with traumatic backgrounds also requires structure and consistency.
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
