Daly Focus Blog
Marriages succeed or fail for many reasons. An important factor that’s often overlooked is the company we keep.
Like every newlywed, Pam discovered just a short time into her marriage that she and her husband didn’t agree on everything. In particular, their expectations for how he would help around the house were different.
Hoping for a little support, Pam shared her concerns with a female co-worker. The woman responded with a few complaints of her own about her no-good husband.
You may recall that earlier this summer the United States House of Representatives passed the deceptively named “Respect for Marriage Act.” All Democrat Representatives voted in favor of it, along with 47 Republicans.
We’re now hearing that a vote in the Senate could come early next week.
H.R. 8404, requires states to recognize same-sex marriages from other states and seeks to codify it into federal law, which goes beyond the “right” to same-sex marriage invented by the Supreme Court in a 5-4 decision in 2015.
This Act is an assault on religious freedom and free speech.
Ladies, if you’re about to be married, let me offer you a word of caution: when you marry your prince, you also inherit the king, the queen, and the whole court! (And you often get a court jester thrown in as well!) And remember this, a good relationship with your in-laws is key for creating a marriage that thrives.
But that’s easier said than done. According to a study out of Cambridge University, 60% of women say in-law conflict has caused long-term stress.
The only thing worse than couples rushing into divorce are couples who rush into a second marriage.
First marriages are challenging. Second marriages are even harder, especially when you’re blending a family. Different expectations, conflict management, and learning how to communicate effectively are things every married couple must navigate. But stepfamilies face a different level of complexity.
When couples enter into second marriages, they often focus exclusively on their love for each other and their new lives together to the exclusion of the family unit as a whole.
What does it mean for a man to follow the biblical admonition to nurture and cherish his wife, despite differences in the relationship?
Maybe you can relate to this exchange between author and speaker, Dan Seaborn, and his wife Jane:
Jane: I like hot tea.Dan:I like sweetened iced tea.
Jane:I don’t like to be sweaty.Dan: I love to sweat.
Jane: Yellow lights mean stop.Dan: Yellow lights mean floor it, baby!
Jane: He drives way too fast.Dan: She drives way too slowly.
A common mistake in marriage is to marry who you hope your spouse will become instead of who they already are.
When a couple is dating, they tend to overlook each other’s bad habits. They get so caught up in the euphoria of the relationship that they ignore how they feel about their mate’s poor behavior. Or they minimize the problem thinking, “Once we get married things will change.” That’s a dangerous game to play.
It’s not unusual for conflict to erupt between a new husband and wife over behaviors that were present all throughout the dating season.
If you’re a parent and want your household to function smoothly, you’re going to need some rules. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to know where the lines should be drawn. If you struggle with that, try this: don’t sweat the small stuff.
An idea that helped my wife Jean and me to draw boundaries when our boys were younger was to think of their behavioral problems in terms of “levels.” Eating a cookie before dinner, for example, would be a Level One offense.
Choosing someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. It requires a lot of wisdom.
When a couple dates, they tend to overlook their mate’s bad habits because they’re so caught up in the euphoria of their relationship. Even worse, they think, “That behavior will change once we’re married.”
Unfortunately, there are no guarantees that your spouse will change in the ways you hope they will.
I know a lot of couples who have happy marriages. They all share one thing in common: they make deliberate decisions to nurture their relationship, to connect, and to communicate with their spouse regularly.
Not surprisingly, the unhappiest couples aren’t intentional with each other, often because they don’t know how to be.
If that describes your relationship, we’re here to help.
Authors and relationship experts Bill and Pam Farrel are with us on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Strengthen Your Marriage with a Meet Up” to encourage husbands and wives to invest in their relationship through “marriage meet ups” – regular meetings together that provide the couple an opportunity to connect, reflect, and plan – intentionally.
Ladies, how do you know when your marriage is romantic enough? Does your husband have to chase you to your gate at the airport? Does he have to throw rocks at your bedroom window and serenade you? How about a long kiss on the beach while waves tumble over you?
Guys, what about you? Do you imagine yourself as the hero, a valiant knight who sweeps your wife off her feet and carries her – literally and figuratively – into the future?
Jim Daly is a husband, father and President of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame broadcast. His blog, Daly Focus, is full of timely commentary and wisdom designed to help you navigate and understand today’s culture. His latest book is Marriage Done Right.
