How Your Relationship with Your In-Laws Impacts Your Marriage


A few months ago, I ran a post about in-laws and the marriage relationship that really struck a chord in the Daly Focus community and resulted in good conversation in the comments section.

I’m reposting the piece today because it dovetails perfectly with today’s broadcast, “Establishing Healthy Boundaries with Your In-Laws (Part 1 of 2).” Our guests, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, share practical advice and encouragement for married couples, and talk about how a good in-law relationship can have a positive impact on marriage. If you can’t tune in when the broadcast airs in your neck of the woods, you can listen online.


Do you get along with your in-laws?

According to a newly released study, men who are on good terms with their wives’ parents are more likely to enjoy a long-lasting marriage than those who struggle to get along with their in-laws.

Yet, researchers found that a wife’s relationship with her husband’s parents is a bit more complicated and less indicative of overall marital happiness.

Why the disparity?

Terri Orbuch, the study’s author, explained to a columnist with Salt Lake City’s Deseret News:

Orbuch says that when a man bonds with his in-laws, his wife gets the message that “your family is important to me because you’re important to me. I want to feel closer to them because I want to be closer to you.” Wives love that and marriages get a longevity bump.

But when the wife feels close to her in-laws, Orbuch sees two possible reasons things go the other way. First, in-law ties are more stressful to women, because it “interferes with and takes time away from bonding with the husband and her own family. Women like to analyze, work on and improve relationships. They think of in-law ties the same way,” Orbuch said. That time takes away from other things that strengthen bonds with the husband.

Because both of my parents died when I was young, I can only speak to how my relationship with Jean’s parents has positively impacted our marriage.

Jean’s mom and dad, Jerry and Pat, were married for over 58 years before Jerry’s passing just two years ago. Jerry was the first person to manufacture the concrete saw and was just a man’s man. We experienced many good times together, especially during our annual family retreats to Estes Park here in Colorado. Pat is now widowed and we continue to enjoy her company during trips to California. Neither Jerry nor Pat ever interfered in our marriage or with the raising of our boys. There was always a spirit of deference and mutual respect.

Movies and television regularly highlight in-law dysfunction and in some cases, justifiably so. We’ve all heard the stories of a meddling mother-in-law or a cranky or grumpy father-in-law. But is that the exception rather than the norm?

I hope you might take a moment to let me know about your relationship – past or present – with your in-laws. How have you navigated the challenges?

What are some of your memories of attempting to bridge and blend the generations?

And the bottom line: Have your in-laws had a positive or negative impact on your marriage?

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John Goolsby 21 days ago
My hubby and I have been married 7 yrs and have 3 beautiful boys.  When my husband started getting serious about marrying me my in laws sat him down and basically told him they didn't think he should do it because I was "raised differently" than him.  The wedding was a nightmare full of fighting and tears and me almost calling it off the night before.  When we did get married they continued to have contempt and anger toward me for everything that we did or made.  It was wrought with fights and tears and my hubby was in the middle of this trying to figure out how to navigate this very difficult relationship.  Fast forward years with lots of hateful words toward me, and lying about me, and terrible assumptions about my character.  I tried for 2-3 yes to do everything in my power to make them happy.  I gave them so much attention treated them better and bought what I could for my in laws in the way of gifts.  Really pouring everything into trying to mend a relationship for my husband and children.  Then the terrible decision came to stay in my in laws converted garage and pay $400 rent per month to them.  My husband was leaving due to military and I was pregnant with our third.  I thought it would be a huge help for me and it would give my boys more love and attention while their Daddy was away.  That was the worst decision I'd ever made. The first 3 months or so we're ok.  After I gave birth to our third and my hubby had to leave again.  Things got bad.  I won't go into details but my in laws and I and my hubby through Skype tried to sit down and have a talk about what was going on.  It ended in my father in law yelling at me (while holding my baby and my 2 and 3 yr old were 10 ft away) I'd like to slap your jaw!  Mind you this isn't the first time he's yelled and cursed at me.  So I told him I'd like to see you try.  My mother in law continued to spout these terrible lies as truth and at that point I realized they will never change my mil has had it out for me from day 1and to her, her preference or her opinion trumps the word and the will of God.  My husband and I are both strong believers, we met in Bible college, this is both of our first marriage.  I don't understand why or how she could have so much contempt and anger toward me, and how can she not support our marriage when it is God's will for our lives?  I've tried everything to make them happy and have ignored their ignorant ideas about cap they have no idea about.  Trying to compare my hubby leaving due to military and how sad he is to say bye to his children, with how they feel when their grown son (with a wife and kids)has to go.  Even going as far as to say they believe it's more.  I can go on and on about all the things they've done and said and liedone to my hubby about me and lying to their extended family aboit me.  Needless to say after 6 yrs of their awful influence in my life I'm done with them.  I refuse to see them or speak with them.  My hubby still talks to his dad all the time (he HATES speaking to his mother, he really doesn't like her at all) and they're supposed to see my hubby and kids in about a month.  But I won't be there, they're not coming into my house and they're not coming anywhere near me.  I'm praying my hubby will see his parents for what they are and stop giving them excuses for all they've done.  There have been multiple multiple people in my mother and father in laws family who have told me how hateful awful even what a liar my mother in law is.  Unfortunately no one will say anything and she just gets away with this behavior.  
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
After 12 years of being married, there are times when i struggle with even wanting to be married anymore. Overall, my husbands parents have had a very negative impact on our relationship. Whenever you have a MIL that refuses to let go, there is a problem. And after awhile,the husband doesn't see it and refuses to do anything about it. I understand the comment below about not leaving and cleaving. I understand quite a bit of what has been said on here. I am in a very hurtful and depressive state right now. I wish someone would just talk to my husband on a man to man level and tell him letting go doesn't mean you stop loving.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
We're sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing, friend. Would you be interested in speaking about your situation with one of our counselors (at no cost)? If so, you may call 800/A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (MT). Grace and peace to you!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My husband and I have been married 4 years. We have two beautiful children - aged two and 6 months. I love my in-laws but it has been a struggle. They are great people but the problem is my husband has them on a pedestal. What they say, goes. We've been working on this and it has take a conscious effort on my part to make it work. I know they love me, their daughter in law, but I feel like they are still a bit demanding. There are weeks where my husband will FaceTime with them EVERY night of the week. We both work full time and our kids are in daycare. At the end of the day I often want to be alone with OUR family. By the time we get the kids to bed I want to spend time with my husband. He gets upset when I do not want to FaceTime. The frustrating thing is he will only FaceTime my parents every 3-4 weeks. So, maybe twice a month. But I don't get upset at him...

I wish he would understand that DAILY contact with his parents is a bit much now that we have our own family. His parents are great but will tell him how disappointed they are if they don't hear from him. I love them dearly but they are a bit manipulative. It's extremely frustrating b/c when I bring the issue up to him he will automatically accuse me of not like his parents. That isn't the issue....the issue is he will not truly LEAVE and CLEAVE. 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My husband and I have been married for 20 years, 15 of which his parents have lived with us due to they make him feel like he owes them for giving birth.  MIL told me he has no choice because the scripture demands he supports them the rest of their lives.  Something which I never remember reading in the Bible and am still looking for but not finding.  He has 2 siblings who I feel should help out, and his parents are not that old, sure dad is disabled, but his mom is capable of working and his dad does get a small disability check.  They never offer to help around our home unless they can get paid, and forget her getting off the couch away from the bon bons to help clean around the house after all they walk on the floors too and yes I expect a little help as I travel extensively for work and don't make the messes. He has told them that the Bible says the son leaves and cleaves only to be told that does not apply to him.  HAHA what a joke.  Yes people I have the inlaws from way down under :) .  Today is Christmas, a day when families are to get together, well our family is at home just the 4 of us, while mommy dearest and daddy poo are at the other son's house--no they never invited us, we ar the riff raff good enough for free housing and free rides with children who are grandchildren of convenience--when it is convenient for them they are the grandkids like a ride to the store etc.  Boundaries ill not work with them tried that--they even had the gull to ask husband when he was giving them our home and property for free and leaving us in the cold with no home--what a joke I say.  So in a nut shell does God expect us to give everything we have to our inlaws, continue to help them with freebies for life.  OR does he expect us to say hey you need to be a big mommy and daddy and get your own place.  Yes she is a manipulative meddler who feels they are entitled to everything their grown son has while the other 2 siblings are free of responsibility. 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Me and my husband have been married for two years. Due to some financial struggles my in laws have faced me and my husband graciously offered to move in to help them out financially. Ever since we have moved in my mother in law has criticized our healthy eating choices, and seems to criticize and complain about everything about me. She also compares me to my sister in law (which they do not like), and that hurts me. I try my best to be nice and respectful to her, but her constant criticizing and complaining has left me feeling forced to draw away from our daughter and mother in law relationship. I feel if I don't talk to her as much or am not around the house as much I won't have to hear her complain or make remarks about me. She also complains to my husband about me and it has caused arguments between me and him. This is really hard for me and I am not sure what do. Our situation leaves me feeling angry and resentful because we are helping them out, yet she still complains and criticizes me.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Phil and I just started our third year together, and have been married only 4 months. My in-laws intentionally exclude me from their family and always have, without cause.  It hurts me so much and I, too, know my husband feels in-the-middle.  My in-laws did not ever acknowledge my place in his life at all until we were married, and even then have not accepted it.  Again, this is all without cause. They have never even tried to get to know me and my children.  You see, Phil's first wife died of cancer at 32 years-old, about 4 years after the two of them met, and about 3 1/2 years after they were married.  From what I have seen and read, they included her in their family, invited her to all of their affairs, and spent a lot of time with her and Phil as a couple.  She left behind a then 9 year-old child, who is now 14.  Phil did not date anyone for almost 3 years after her death, and continued to spend time with her son every Tuesday evening until he moved to Michigan in June of this year.  Prior to him moving, Phil and his family would have big "get-togethers" with his former step-son and all of Phil's family, and my children and I were never invited.  Everything was always Jake this and Laura that. I became very resentful and still am, as I am a very likable person who is a Christian, a great wife, an excellent mother, a stellar hospice nurse (almost a nurse practitioner...hooray).  Phil's middle sister will come to my house and intentionally do nothing but talk about Phil's life prior to my existence, mostly about Jake and Laura and the house Phil formerly lived in with his late wife. She will bring over old pictures and present them to my husband right in front of me and not attempt to acknowledge Phil's present life or his new family.  His other sister, who I just now met for the first time ever, has flown in previously, but I was not invited that night because it was all about Jake and the good ol' days.  It is hurtful that I am such a good person and Phil is obviously ready to move on, although he has enabled this awful behavior from his family.  This has created a lot of friction in our new marriage, because I have been made to feel like I am not nearly as good as Phil's former wife, her child, or my in-laws, and I know that not to be factual. Really stinks!
Jessi Lightfoot More than 1 year ago
I have been married for almost 2 years and the relationship between my mother in law and me is out of control and it hurts me because I know my husband is stuck in the middle. My MIL only talks to me when she needs money, otherwise she won't talk to me. I have a son from a previous marriage that she never treats the same as the other grandkids and we have twins on the way. I worry that my son will feel left out from "grandma" when the twins come. We cannot afford to give money anymore and she has cut me out and my husband is in fear that his mom will cut him out of her life if he doesn't help. She's manipulative and controlling, making him feel like he owes her for raising him. We went to our pastor yesterday asking for advice and one ofthem was a suggestion to read Boundaries. I see a bunch of them but was hoping to find one on In Laws. Any suggestions?
Fotf Moderator-Team More than 1 year ago
Jessi: We appreciate you turning to us with your question. We are sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are facing. Here is a link to the Boundaries book on our Family Store Also, you may want to contact one of our counselors and they may be able to offer additional suggestions. Give us a call at 1-800-232-6459 and we can set up a time for you to speak to a counselor. We will be praying for you. 
Jessi Lightfoot More than 1 year ago
Thank you, I appreciate it! 
Kiesha Sanchez More than 1 year ago
I'm young and going through a very tough time right now it's hard because I have always been close to my family and now that I left and got married my mom always puts me in the middle of my husband and them, we have 2 kids one is his and one isn't I was 16 when I had my 1st kids I graduated high school and got my high school diploma! My mom helped me out Watching her while I was working the father was never in her life. But after a whole yr I got married and moved and my mom and dad was like that I need to let them keep her still so I would share and she would go back and forth from my house to theirs my husband didn't like that he said that I shouldn't have to repay my parents back for what they helped me with you know he said he wanted to be a normal functioning family where the kids r all home and we wouldn't have to answer to anyone, we'll a yr later I had my littlest baby which Is his and the arguments kept on happening more and more and I was put in the middle of him and my parents I would let them get in my head too much they always wanted me to leave him and a this right second I am at my mom's were separated right now but I also had issues with his mom too we lived with his parents and she would leave me notes all in the house telling me what I needed to clean she would never have a conversation with me or nothing I would tell him to tell ur mom something but he would never he would say he's not cause I don't stick up to my parents 4 wat is right either. And I know we're young I been talking to him since I left everyone has problems it's about working through them so last night I tell my parents I'm going back to work it out n my mom busts out crying saying I'm going to hurt everyone in my family if I do and I hate that I don't know what to do or say I need help can someone please give me advice!
Fotf Moderator-Team More than 1 year ago

Hi Kiesha - Thanks for sharing so openly.  It sounds like you have a lot on your heart - and that you want to do what's best for your young family. 


Did you know that we have counselors here at Focus?  You can talk with one of them by phone about the challenges you're facing (at no cost to you).  Just give us a call between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (Mountain Time) Monday through Friday at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) and we'll set up a time for you to talk with a counselor.  


Bless you, friend.  We're praying for you, and we really hope you'll call.

Alley neb More than 1 year ago

--Unfortunately my mother in law, although a Christian, sometimes exercise behavior that's troubling. I really pray that God does a work because it puts a strain on us.

Tonya Stewart More than 1 year ago

--I have a great relationship with my in-laws. But, I think it has kinda hurt mine and my husbands marriage more then helped it. He is very jealous of my relationship with them. It makes me feel bad a lot of the time. So, I have pulled back from them a lot and don't say a whole lot to them anymore.

Carolyn Reese More than 1 year ago

--I left a comment with this original post but want to comment on the Townsend/Cloud broadcast.

I wanted to comment after I had listened to both days. My husband had a wonderful relationship with my parents, may they rest in peace. My mother used to tell everyone she had 4 sons (my 3 brothers and my husband). I had to remind her that I was married to one of those sons!

My in-laws, on the other hand, never accepted me or their grandchildren as their own. It started before our marriage. I invited my future mother in law to lunch to get to know her on a personal basis without her son. I asked her what she would like to be called. My sister-in-laws called my parents Mom and Dad. I asked if I could call her Mom. She replied, rather curtly, "You may call me ___. (her first name). That set me back a bit but I accepted it. I should have taken that as a warning.

On our honeymoon, my mother-in-law tried to find us to see where we were. (Thank you, God, for not having cell phones 30 years ago!). She did call our new household, the day we returned and yelled at us for not calling her. I blew up! How dare your mother track us!. My husband did not see the problem. Another warning not heeded.

We had 2 children within 5 years and the MOL used to fly to our house every year for Mother's Day. One year, about 7 years in, I gave her my card and present. She said to me directly, Why do you do this, I am NOT YOUR MOTHER!.

So, you get the picture. I have never been accepted. We eventually moved within 20 miles of them. Our children were never invited to their house unless Daddy was with them. They never had one-on-one with either of the grandparents. It is very sad.

We have had many marriage problems due to this apron strings problem. My mother used to say just be nice and let it go.

Wise advice. I still pray about it. The FOL has passed away, but MOL is now 89 and so much more dependent on her son. He spends every Saturday and Tuesday with her.

I wish I would have heard this broadcast 30 years ago. I would have done things differently.

Denise Kauffman More than 1 year ago
Carolyn, I am so sad for your mil. She has missed out on a really terrific dil. I would give my right eye tooth to have a dil  try so hard to get to know me, to want to call me mom. Pray for her heart to be changed but don't be bitter. It only hurts you.
Mary Hinman More than 1 year ago

--My mother-in-law is Marie Barone on steroids.  She's rude, bossy and throws a fit if she doesn't get her way.  For the first 4 years of our marriage, we lived 2,000 miles away from both sides of the family due to the military.  After my mother-in-law moved in next door to us is the closet we've ever been to a divorce.  My husband, who had been trained to fear her all his life, took her side when I ever complained to him.  With a newborn baby to take care of, I wasn't in a position to leave him but I felt like it!

Anyway, it's 35 years later and she's learned that she can't have her way all the time.  She's still Marie Barone and all 3 of her sons are afraid of her temper but my husband sees her for the angry, manipulative woman she is and that's a big help.  My father-in-law is ok, but he's afraid of her, too!

I am a mother-in-law, now, and do to some circumstances, we have our son, his wife and their 4 year old son living with us for the next couple of years.  It's been 4 1/2 months now and we haven't had a problem getting along.  I cringe every time I think that I'm a "mother-in-law."  I told our sons not to let me or their dad come between them and their wife... ever.  Just lock me in a closet if I started acting like their grandma.

My mother is a self-centered person and we're not close either geographically or emotionally but we "get along" much better since we only see each other every year or two.  My in-laws live within an hour's drive and see them every holiday, birthday, etc. etc. and it's getting pretty old.


Sherrie Parent More than 1 year ago

--My mother in law has never felt anyone was good enough for her boys. They're grown men but she still wants to run the show.  We've had a very rough year and a half since she moved in. My husband never set boundaries, and there was a lot of problems. I almost left him over it.  Things are manageable now, but there's still some issues.  

Jane Shu More than 1 year ago

--I listened to the radio program today July 1, 2013. I am a mother-in-law. The past twenty plus years have been very difficult for me because my only child, my son, married a girl who has not wanted to have a relationship with me. She has told me that her best friend is her mother, who lives near by. My husband and I lived 1500 miles away from our son and his wife and were only able to see them once or twice/year. My daughter-in-law would not permit us to see them or their three girls more than a few hours per visit. Hence, we never got to know our three granddaughters. I have heard of this type of rejection from the daughter-in-law from other women, mothers-in-law like me. I do feel it is my son's fault for allowing this rejection of his parents to take place. We were loving parents to him, but for some unknown reason we were not honored to be part of their extended family. When we tried to discuss this with them, they both said I was the problem, that i was not welcome in their home. I was never given a reason. I am a Christian and my son and his wife have not made any  serious commitments to the Lord as far as I know. Nobody can replace those twenty-plus years. I only pray the Lord will be able to bring my son and his family to want to have a closer relationship with me before I die.

Vanessa Grisham More than 1 year ago
Praying for you 
Maggie Andre More than 1 year ago

--I could write a novel on this topic.  To make a very long story short, I am the wife of a nice man who has been manipulated all his life by a very egotistical woman who always wants to be the center of everything and everyone.  The demeaning comments about me were always "out of concern" for our family and always followed by " as you know I never get involved in my children's lives".  In our 20 years of marriage my husband only once stood up for me and our family and that carried me for a few years, knowing that he was starting to see it as I do.  The problem is that she could be so nice to everyone, and she really was, except to her daughter-in-law.   I was never seen as part of the family and even for family birthdays and such she made sure the gifts were daughters received were lavish and luxurious compared to my $50.00 in an envelope.  I know that these things are silly but it was just one more way of me, being reminded that I was not part of the family.  If there was a day my husband forgot to call her, then we would receive an annoyed phone call, wondering if "we had a problem" or had a "fight".   She was constantly giving my husband money to go and "have some fun" since he was such a "hard worker" and being married to me "must take some work".  Whenever we visited their home, (had to be at least twice per week, including a sunday afternoon), I always felt like I was the third wheel with their long visits in the kitchen alone away from the living room where I was and my father in law too.   I always felt that she was conspiring against me .... I thought that having kids with him would help me so we ended up with 3 kids and although they kept us busier and too tired to care about what she said, once the kids started growing then it all started again.... She was now older and taking full advantage of it with her aches and pains it was easy for her to make my husband guilty of leaving them in their "old age".  I had never been forgiven for putting my feet down and refusing to go live with my in-laws after our marriage, I knew she had pressured my husband to have him come right back home after marrying me.  My whole marriage I have always felt that it was me, her and my husband.   My husband has other siblings, but her biggest fixation was him.  He has a big caring heart and he could never see that he was being manipulated.  We have quite a few arguments over that.  After the kids started getting old, even they could see it, as dad changed when he was around his mother....there was something somber in his demeanor and it made us all shudder.  I have thought about leaving my husband MANY times.  It was THAT unbearable.  But, for the kids, I decided to stay on and bear it.  My parents could see it too and never confronted my husband, they just prayed for our family for God to keep us together.  Love isn't everything.  I know my husband loved me and I loved him dearly but he was incapable of handling that situation with his mom.  You see, she was very good at that , and to this day I still believe that she deliberately wanted to destroy my marriage.  I kept praying that God would intervene in our family because I was done in 2011.  I had decided that I needed to go separate ways after 20 years of marriage and I had my mother-in-law to thank for that.  I confronted my mother-in-law out of frustration I finally told her that all I had wanted was for her to be happy for her son and that I loved him very much and I would never be a threat to her.  I thanked her for raising such a wonderful man and I would still like to be part of her family .  Then very soon after that his mother died of cancer at the age of 71.  When she was dying as I was caring for her, I told her that I loved her (I left all my hurts at the cross) and she looked hard at me and never said anything back, but at least I could say it (it took me years to forgive her) and then she died.   These last 2 years have been the happiest of my life.  I have my husband all to myself now and I feel for the very first time that finally we can enjoy being together as husband and wife and give the kids (while they are still home) a real view of what marriage should look like.  I am still hurt though about all that I have been put through but I know the Lord is helping me with this.  For his part, I don't think i have ever seen my husband so truly happy with life as he is now....  Ofcourse we still some old hurts and day to day challenges but 20 years later it feels like my marriage has finally begun.

Lenning Bev More than 1 year ago

My in-laws and my husbands family had a very negative impact on our marriage and family.  The strained relationship effected ALL ASPECTS of our life!  My husband and I moved back to his home town to take over the family farm.  So, we depended on them as "partners" until we could financially take over the farm.  They were very controling of everything.  I remember my husband telling me not to talk to them about ANYTHING in our life because they would grill him later about it.  I noticed during the first season, my husbands soul was being sucked out of him by his parents.  They were so hard on him--telling him what to do, when to do it and, god forbid, if he made a mistake. . . he would have his face rubbed in it!!  On 2 occations, my husband had another opportunity to get away from this situation and take a job somewhere else.  On both occations, he decided that he liked to farm and it was in his blood and wanted to make things work.  Well, no one stood up to his parents, so the stress went on.  His family is very negative and I would always hear someone putting down someone they knew about a choice they had made or a mistake they became aware of.  They all seemed angry and bitter about something most of the time.  I got tired of being put down to my face and told my husband that I was not going to keep going over to their house and take it, then pretend it all didn't happen.  They were bullies!  Seemed like everyone was scared of them, so no one stood up to them. . . not even me!  My husband did not defend me when things would happen with his parents, but I forgave him because he didn't stand up for himself.  I didn't want my in-laws baby-sitting for us because I didn't feel safe around them, so why would I drop off my babies with them?  They felt I nursed my babies too long (only a year) and this was a topic at the family dinner table where I was being grilled with questions on why I was still nursing!!  I could go on and on.  Needless to say, I knew my husband was not happy and would try and do things at home to cheer him up.  I also took on farm duties to try and help him with his dream of making the farm go on for another generation.  During the summer, I would put in many hours and would sometimes not be able to keep up with the yard and household chores.  He was sometimes very hard on me for this.  If he only knew how hard I was trying!!  Anyway, fast forward to 2013.  Our marriage is in turmoil.  Not too sure if we will make it.  Those many years of not setting boundries and standing up for ourselves has left many wounds.  Tried counceling, but my husband is not ready to take responsibility for his actions.  I feel foolish pride, anger, bitterness and his unforgiving attitude will be what ends our marriage.  It is in God's hands now.  I have prayed for our family.  I will pray for all of you who have gone through something like this.  Stand your ground and get counceling EARLY!!  God bless you!!!

Anonymous More than 1 year ago

Thanks to everyone who asked for more detail about the survey.  You can check out the University of Michigan's Early Years of Marriage Project webpage at or the Deseret News article "Relationship With In-Laws Impacts How Long Marriage Lasts"  

Blessings, friends!

Anonymous More than 1 year ago

I learned early in life to cultivate in-law relationships.  My parents were both from huge families and we had to move from the east coast to the west coast for my dad to find work when we kids were very little.  While several of my father's siblings followed west, my mom's did not.  She was lonely for her family but made the decision early to embrace all of her in-laws and CHOSE to get along with them regardless.  This turned out to be such a valuble lesson and example for us kids and we have gone on to do the same with our in-laws.  I credit my mom's good example.    

Anonymous More than 1 year ago

My in laws are how can I say nicely outlaws... Ever since hubby and I been married his family or parents have not liked me or anything after I try and help them out they still treat me bad. The father in law threatened to slap me once when I didn't do anything to him. There are several things I could tell you but I just don't have good in laws like some people. I am glad that people are blessed....

Anonymous More than 1 year ago

My mom felt my husband was like a son & accepted him as soon as we began dating.  I felt like Jim's mom & dad were like another set of parents for me.  I called them mom & dad from the get go and my husband called my parents mom & dad too. I think they thought of me as a daughter.  Our relationship was easier to sustain because we lived 1200 from them but would see them  at least twice a year where we would stay with each other for a week to 10 days.

Someone onceasked me if I resented using our vacation to visit them every year.  I didn't because it was the only time we had to really visit & do things with them like camping, going to the beach, duck pin bowling, playing  trivia games, celebratinrg summer birthdays, & just plain old visiting so they could interact with our4 children.

Anonymous More than 1 year ago

We used to live around the corner from my husband's parents and it started out well and then became a very stressful relationship for me. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are not Christians and did not have a problem getting involved in every aspect of our lives. They were very opinionated about everything, especially our child rearing. It was very hard to miss them when we moved 1300 miles away from them 6 years ago. And since then things have not really gotten any better until recently. My husband has always struggled with his relationship with his father and more recently with his mother, so I think that has an affect on my relationship with them. They tend to enable our oldest daughter which doesn't help.

As far as my parents go, we have lived with them for the past 6 years (we rent the top part if their house and they reside in the basement apartment. My parents love my husband dearly, but it has been a challenge with all of us under the same roof. We have our good and bad days.    

When we lived near my husband's family we made a point to visit weekly and invite them to all of the children's activities. Holidays were actually some of my favorite times with them. We do the same with my parents, but see them daily.  

I think our in-law relationships have made our marriage a bit more challenging, but it just reminds us that neither of us would want to live with either set of parents without the other. LOL  

Anonymous More than 1 year ago

Sadly my mother  in-law has had a very negative effect on my life.They are religious and use  bible verses. But they are not safe people and like to tease us to frustrate us.This is behavior they enjoy.We helped them on the farm and they made promices to us.Now they tell us they never wanted us to farm.We are gave our life to this farm. They also have blamed us for them building a house for themself when we got married

and now tell us we made them build the house.We get all the blame for any decisions they make they aren't happy with.The house is paid for but they wish it was different.

There has been much emotions abuse in the relationship. Then they say it's a joke .

I see my husbands pain as they don't ask us to family gatherings

The siblings are so disfuntional and don't want to talk about it to a third party. Now they don't talk for 3 years.

The only good thing about my inlaw relationship is that with all the problems it has brought my husband and Icloser.I feel so sorry for him and all the pin he has lived with growing in this has stretched us to love people moreand truy to be forgiving with limits because of the disfuntion.

We have learned to pray and trust God to meet our needs for relationships outside the family unit.

My inlaws have been really controlling and put us down when oour kids played sports in school as they wanted them to work at a young age.It has beenvery hard to raise kids so close to their Grandparents as the abuse they did to us they want to do to our kids.

We drive 49 miles to church and that has helped us so much because we have some people we enjoy and they love us.

My mother in law favors the other brother and just treats my husband so bad. she doesn't want her husband my husbands Dad to talk to him.The Dad is better to my husband but the mother is in control it is so sad and painful to see.It has made me support my husband and have so much compassion for him as Isee the disfuntion he has to deal with.

My parents passed away 10 years ago and were very supportive of my family and my Mom wrote many encouraging notes to my husband. She also told us on our death bed she was very concerned about my husbands family and how they would treat is very comforting to know this even now.My parents were so supportive to my kinds died very young. But still we see the positive influence they had on my kids.

Their love is still with us close to our heart.

Anonymous More than 1 year ago

strained at best when wife can't get along with her own mother for more than a couple of hours.My wifes sister ( only 2 girls) has a dominate and very controlling husband,so that they do not even communicate any longer. Very hard to live with wife who has many grudges in life and uses an outer shell to others while boardering on abusive to our own kids.Father in law is a reactor if someone says anything against his wife. does this sound like a disfunctional family??  I come from a family of 8 kids ,it was awesome growing up  not sure what lies ahead but I said i would only get married once.

rethinking marriage

Anonymous More than 1 year ago

I do not have a good relationship with my mother-in-law.  She is a very controlling woman.  She controlled everybody in her family before I married her son.  Everybody would accept this behavior as normal and when I decided I would not put up with it she made me her enemy.  She ignores me.  She does not talk to me, doesn't take family pictures with me in them.  She hangs up the phone even when the kids tell her I am going to talk to her.  She completely dislikes me.  She never asked how the baby was doing when I was pregnant.  I have been pregnant four times.  My relationship with my husband has been very challenging at times because she makes every effort possible to make me feel unwanted.  I tried calling her at some point to connect with her, she said I wasn't suppose to call because she was not my mother.  I said, fine!  I am not trying any more.  I will not set foot in her house now because she doesn't treat me with respect.  I went to her house for years, I put up with a lot of rejection.  No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.  I will not consent any more.

Vanessa Grisham More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago

I do not have a good relationship with my mother-in-law.  She is a very controlling woman and because I stood up against "her control" she made me her enemy.  She does not talk to me.  She would be happy to have family gatherings and completely ignore me.  This is what she did for years.  I put up with it, until I got tired of being ignored.  I try to be kind and nice to her, but she does not care to have a relationship with me.  She calls and hangs up even when the kids tell her I am going to talk to her.  She excludes me from family pictures.  Every time I have been pregnant, she never asked how the baby was doing, because that would have required asking me, how I was doing.  She never asks me how I am doing.  My relationship with my husband has been difficult at times because of her.  There was a time when I used to call her trying to connect and her response was that I wasn't suppose to call because she was not my mother.  That's it, I said to my husband.  I am not going to pretend that this is a big happy family because it is not.  She likes appareance, I don't live off appearance.  This means I will not set foot in her house because she doesn't treat me with respect.